Dave White
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Ashton Kutcher, Man-Whore.

Who's In It: Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche

The Basics: Ashton is the vapid heir to Richard Gere's American Gigolo crown in this self-serious bit of soul-searchsploitation. Anne Heche is his sugar mommy, giving him gifts and a seriously amazing place to live in the Hollywood Hills and all he has to do is keep giving her tons of sex. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement until, of course, he can't quite live up to the rules and winds up falling in love with a waitress who's running the same game. That's right, tender feelings erupt all over the place. Exactly what you didn't want.

What's the Deal: I hate it when movie characters learn lessons about life and love. But if they're going to do that sort of thing then at least I want it to happen the way it does here, while everyone's buck-ass naked and humping their brains out on really awesome furniture or in swanky pools with great views of downtown Los Angeles. This is from the director of that other sex-filled indie movie Young Adam, and so while this film has exactly two half-baked thoughts in its head and it sucks completely, at least there's plenty of prurient interest. It'll be right at home on Cinemax one of these days.

Whose Deserves Better: Anne Heche. Why is it that Mel Gibson can drunk drive and call a cop "Sugar Tits" and suffer no real lasting career damage but Anne Heche still has to suffer Hollywood's smirky condescension for taking Ecstasy and her top off and wandering around rural California looking for her spaceship? You know what she did was much cooler and way less mundane than his dumb stunt. Furthermore she's a better actor and shouldn't be stuck in crud like this. Points to her for taking this part and making it smarter and darker than it deserved to be.

One Way It's Absolutely Not Like American Gigolo: The clothes. Kutcher's go-to gear includes skinny, high-water, folded-cuff jeans, dumb skinhead suspenders, weird pointy ankle boots and those ridiculous man-scarves. It looks as 2007 hipster dork as it is.

Best Dialogue: From Heche to Kutcher, as she's about to kick him out of her house for being a jerk: "You've got six inches and pretty face."
Kutcher: "It's seven."
Heche: "No it's not!"


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