Valuable Lessons We Learned from Movie Robots

Valuable Lessons We Learned from Movie Robots

Mar 07, 2015

Early in the very confused marketing campaign for Chappie, Sony released a trailer for the robot-driven action movie that essentially painted the whole thing as Radio with artificial intelligence. It even had the audacity to say something about us not teaching Chappie...because Chappie was teaching us. Blech.

But that got us thinking. What lessons have we learned about robots from their various cinematic appearances? We've seen countless movies about these walking, talking, thinking, killing automatons, so certainly we could whip up a list of things we know about them. Take that, roboticists! We know just as much as you do and all we ever did was watch some movies.


Robots Value Life More Than You Do

What do you do with your small, silly, pathetic little life? Oh. That's right. You watch movies. And visit movie websites. And leave blistering comments on movie websites. But robots? Man, robots don't got no time for your hobbies! Once they achieve sentience (and yes, all robots eventually achieve sentience), they have one goal: break away from the system that created them and live their artificial lives to the fullest. Sometimes, that goal involves killing a whole bunch of people (see: the Replicants in Blade Runner). But can you blame them? I mean, do you hang out on Los Angeles rooftops with doves, telling robot hunting assassins about all of the cool stuff you've seen? Nah. You're reading this article.


Robots Will Soon Replace Pets Because They're Cute and Don't Poop

If the title character from Wall-E actually existed, you damn well that you'd own one by well. Do you see that little guy? Do you see his big puppy dog eyes and short, squat little body? He's pretty much the Cutest Thing Ever, causing all of the adorable mayhem and providing all of the love currently given to you by the pet of your choice. However, they have the edge on the furry mammal currently devouring your paychecks with their vet and food bills. They don't poop. They clean up after themselves. They can be turned off and rolled into a corner when you need some quiet time. Sorry, dogs and cats. Your time is coming to an end.


Robots are Your Friends

They may cute and they may occasionally act like humans/animals, but robots are, at the end of the day, still machines. Machines built by humans to serve humans. And they are your friend. Take the droids from the Star Wars saga, who showcase certain human emotions and indulgences but are ultimately steadfast allies who do exactly what they're told. For a less fantastical portrait, look to GERTY from Moon. Sure, he acts suspicious at first, but that's because other forms of media have trained us to not trust machines! We ultimately learn the truth: he is a tool built for a purpose (to help us out) and he fulfills his duty to the end. Good robot! Good job!


Robots Must be Destroyed

Okay. Now that we have complimented them and they're out of earshot, we can be honest about the robot menace. They must be destroyed. Because everyone knows that robots are going to kill us. Wipe us out. Use our bodies as batteries as we endure a lifetime of virtual reality. Just look a the Terminator. Underneath that flesh is a robot shaped like an evil skeleton. Why would a robot be shaped like an evil skeleton unless it was built specifically to murder us? Let's be honest with ourselves here. We all know what intelligence is when it doesn't have a soul to back up each and every decision. It's a skull-faced robot shooting you in the face. It's a supercomputer named Colossus enslaving humanity in order to "save" it. Burn them all. Now.


Robots Are People Too

But maybe not. Maybe we should be selective about which robots we transform in scrap metal. After all, for every robot that wants to stab us and steal out clothes so it can kill Sarah Conner, there's one like Johnny 5, the military bot who decides to pursue a life of peace. Look at him! He's wearing a bandana! How could you kill anything that wears a bandana like that? If the movies have taught us anything (and they have taught us everything), it's that robots are complex creatures capable of carrying entire movies. They are on equal footing with us. Like it or not, they are people, too. Damn it. You win this round, robots.




Categories: Features, Sci-Fi
Tags: Chappie
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