Who's in It: Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, Robert De Niro, John Turturro, Michael Gambon, Joe Pesci, Alec Baldwin, William Hurt, Billy Crudup, Timothy Hutton
The Basics: Hey, everybody! Who wants to watch a nearly three-hour movie about the early history of the CIA? It'll be fun! No, really, c'mon! You won't even believe how much fun! Like Jackass-level fun! Not boring at all! Jolie's in it! She makes everything sexy!
What's the Deal? I'm about to use film-critic words, so get ready: "tedious slog." That's it. That's what this is. Nearly three hours about a man (Damon) so dead inside, so humorless, so self-erasing and personality-deficient that he makes the perfect CIA agent. I suppose in some perfect world this guy could be compelling. Just not in this movie.
What It's Really About: You see this guy joining Yale's secret society Skull and Bones, the group responsible for churning out some very shady but powerful government leaders and business titans, all of whom have each other's backs until the grave. So the movie's actually about how preppy jerks from Ivy League colleges have imposed their soul-crushing values on everyone else in this country. The words "good" and "shepherd" are ironic here, right?
Standing by Her Man: That would be the Jolie character. She marries Damon, who promptly leaves the country on a mission, not even returning home to see his own kid until the child is about seven years old. And through it all, she waits patiently. That's right, Angelina Jolie. The woman famous for wearing a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. The woman who minxed her way between Brad and Jen. The woman you don't cast when you're looking for someone to convey "dutiful, long-suffering wife."
What's Good About It: Period details. Impeccable. So it's really great to look it.