Dave White
Zoom Review

Dave's Rating:

1.0

… a contender for Worst Kid Movie of 2006.

Who's in It: Tim Allen, Courteney Cox, Chevy Chase, Rip Torn, Spencer Breslin, Kate Mara, Michael Cassidy, Ryan Newman, Kevin Zegers

The Basics: Superhero teens (plus one super-strong 6-year-old) and their reluctant ex-superhero leader (Allen) have to save the world from a bad guy named Concussion, who's actually Allen's ex-superhero brother. Featuring bad songs by Smash Mouth and product placement by M&M's and Wendy's, it's a contender for Worst Kid Movie of 2006.

What's the Deal? This is the kind of awful child-targeted movie that my dad used to take me to see on his one day of court-allowed visitation per week. He'd toss back a six-pack and we'd go to something just as barfy as this. Then he'd sleep it off while I took his money and bought all the candy I could shovel into my mouth. That still counts as fun to a kid, though, so don't be surprised if your young ones want to go.

Teaching Young Boys How to Romance the Ladies: You do it like the oldest teen boy in this movie. Watch and learn. When you're in the antigravity paintball hurling simulator and you're flying around all crazy, grab the girl and tackle her "by accident." Voilà! Now you're in the missionary position.

Dear Jennifer Aniston: Hey, Jen, remember when Rumor Has It came out, and I admonished your pal Courteney Cox to help you pick better scripts? Here's where you pay it forward. It's not like either of you guys have to work for the rest of your lives. Get on the ball, will you two?

The Return of Chevy Chase: He's a wacky scientist in this movie. He's older now. Chunkier. Puffier. But that's not the problem — if you think he looks odd, you should just take a gander at Allen's weirdly mutating face of mystery. The problem is that Chase is still not funny.

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