Who's in It: Nicolas Cage, Ellen Burstyn, Frances Conroy, Leelee Sobieski
The Basics: It's a remake of the 1974 horror film. And it was a really cool horror film, about a missing child and mysterious cult-like goings-on. I won't spoil any of it for you. Just go watch the original and skip this stupid, unnecessary update.
What's the Deal? Hubris, that's what the deal is. It's the kind of egotistical masturbation that Hollywood loves way too much. And it's always predicated on the moment when a director begins believing he's as brilliant as people say he is. He gets to do what he wants. So he decides to remake a movie that didn't need remaking because, you know, he's got something new to add to it. But guess what, Neil LaBute? You don't.
But … It's also totally hilarious. And maybe that was the director's intention. To mock all the horror geeks who worship the original? If so, then Neil LaBute, you are a genius!
Nicolas Cage in a Bear Costume: Oh, you thought there'd be some kind of commentary after that heading? Sorry, there's not. Just NICOLAS CAGE IN A BEAR COSTUME. Maybe he saw Sean Connery do it in The Avengers and was like, "I want to get dressed up in a bear costume, too! That'll make me like James Bond! The way dressing up like Elvis in Honeymoon in Vegas made me the King!" Wait, now I just realized that compared to this movie, Honeymoon in Vegas and The Avengers are both awesome.
Everything Can't Be Six Feet Under: Frances Conroy, the mom on that show, is in this. Getting paid well, I hope.