Grae's Rating:

1.0

A big ole ZERO.

You know what's great about our modern, highly-evolved knowledge that comes directly from a brain whose DNA composition hasn't changed since humans went bipedal? We get a world where we carry tiny computers in our pockets and mass produce pills that murder deadly bacteria, but people are still subconsciously afraid of being eaten by tigers when they go outside. In the case of this movie, for the main character Ally Darling (Anna Faris), the fact that she doesn't have a man while her eggs are becoming less viable every day is going to leave her wide open for tiger-death. Coming from such a transformed point of view makes for a really eye-opening look into relationships in the modern world. Can you tell I am being sarcastic here? This movie made my uterus twitch.

Feminists have one true enemy, and it ain't Rush Limbaugh--it's statistics. In the mid-1980s a study was published saying women over 40 had a better chance of getting killed by a terrorist than getting married. The legitimacy of the study has not withstood the test of time, but Ally doesn't know that. She reads in Marie Claire that women who have slept with over 20 partners can't find a husband. Ally doesn't question the statement, she just allows it to send her into a romantic comedy frenzy, spiraling downward, dragging everyone with her as they utter moronic advice for the next 90 minutes.

The conclusion she comes to is that she cannot sleep with anyone else, as to not soar high over this random number given to her by a periodical she was flipping through on the subway. She should instead enlist the help of her super hot neighbor Colin (Chris Evans) to look at her past beaus and see what kind of husband material they may have turned into over time. This movie is precisely the reason that the words "edgy" and "raunchy" are my two least favorite Hollywood buzzwords--Ally's exes include a puppeteer, a gay guy, a gynecologist, and a trust fund kid who hates dancing with her mom (among other losers).

Sitting through this film is something akin to water torture. There's so much wrong with it, it's hard to sort out. The film very quickly wears out its welcome as all the female characters harp on Ally for being such a dumb slut. At first I was on Ally's side, but after watching her slide so unapologetically back into roles she played in order to catch men, I sided more with her mean girlfriends. I think the filmmakers intended the film to be something inspirational, like "Hey girls, do that Plato thing and know thyself, then you can sleep with as many guys as you want without being a whore!" Instead, the film falls back on the traditional romantic comedy notion of "Nah, you just find the right guy and he'll make you soooo happy that you will forget you ever had problems…until real life settles in again."

I normally like all of these performers, but even the charming Chris Evans or hilarious Anna Faris couldn't save this one. Although there are funny lines here and there, it's not enough to make you forget that you just watched Blythe Danner scold her daughter for not having a date to a wedding and tsk tsk at her hairdo. The script masquerades as empowering, but treats Ally like turning 30 is a death sentence unless you have a man to watch Mexican wrestling with. I'm sure if Margaret Sanger were alive she would encourage Ally's use of birth control as to not pass on her unhealthy ideas to another generation of poor, unsuspecting children.

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