Dave's Rating:


Once upon a time in the clown +ninja west...

Who's In It: Dong-gun Jang, Kate Bosworth, Geoffrey Rush, Danny Huston, Tony Cox, Lung Ti

The Basics: A lone master swordsman (Korean superstar Dong-gun Jang, not talking much) on a mission of baby-protection in the wild wild West (he had to get far away, see, because he betrayed his own people to spare the life of the child) settles in a ghost town full of circus folk and hooks up with Kate Bosworth. But trouble finds you when you're a lone warrior, so he winds up having to battle... well, everyone. It's stupid, by the way. But...

What's The Deal: It's stupid in a way you won't really hate, provided you're already in the mood for a terrible rehash of cliches from a hundred other martial arts movies and Westerns, as well as cliches from every earlier mashup of those two genres. It's as though writer-director Sngmoo Lee went into this knowing full well he was creating a cheap piece of junk and was possibly even amused by the idea that it didn't go straight to DVD. But he's committed to keeping a straight face while he hands you the mud pie, like a six-year-old kid saying, "Go on! Eat it! I made this just for you!"

Also? It's Got More Clowns And Ninjas Than A Gathering Of The Juggalos: Flying battle-ninjas and cowboys and clowns and exploding Ferris wheels and Geoffrey Rush as a sniper and little person Tony Cox. All of them. At the same time. Fighting. There are also fish used to stab people and some severed heads. Of course the best part of this equation is Geoffrey Rush. I know he didn't plan it this way, since actors don't decide release schedules, but you can almost feel him gloating over reaching two absolutely non-overlapping demographics with this and the Oscar-y The King's Speech.

What Keeps It From Actual Greatness. Besides The Fact That It Sucks: The action seems like it was created in post-production. In a martial arts movie, even a crappy one, the biggest thrill is watching the kicks and punches land and the acrobatics feel like they're being performed by acrobats (aka Jackie Chan, Tony Jaa, etc). This movie isn't in that league. So if you're looking for real kung fu, look somewhere else.

One More Thing: What's with the generic title? YOU HAVE CLOWNS AND NINJAS IN YOUR MOVIE, DUDE. Don't hide your light under a bushel.


Comments (14)

Justin Brown - 12-09-2010 3:15 PM
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Dude i swear your a racist and you lack the fundamentals of classic movies like this. everyone is entitled to an opinion and your favorite movie of the year was white material that takes place in africa but there were no black people. okay its a cliche we get that but really, you over analyze movies and forget about the most important part is it entertaining. This movie rocked and i was like you skeptic in the beginning but after watching i was hooked. the movie was different it was like 300 meets, tombstone and naruto all in one. Who said you cant bring a sword to a gunfight, they proved you can if you have the skills. this movie was a plus one of the best of the year and your review was a fail. i like jen's better anyways.

haha - 12-09-2010 10:45 PM
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Yo Justin, there's no point in trying to kick some real sense in this fat A$$ bald headed fool, he's as ignorant as most of the other stupid movie critics, if they're "white" and they pull these kinds of moves, than in his review, "it's awesome" via that worthless pile of crap movie call kill bill or the bourne movies, this fat worthless moron is payed to say bad things about good movies and good thing about bad movies! If you're not a "white" superstar, (Uma thurman and Matt Damon) than all the sword moves are worthless, but you put Uma and Matt with a bunch of strings, than it's "awesome" We all know where he spends his money anyways, (at a buffet) this movie was freaking awesome!! Kill bill was such a disgrace to martial arts fan everywh

Chris - 12-10-2010 3:14 AM
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OMG. Dave you need to get a real job too. 10 years old kid does better then your write. lol

Bond1965 - 12-10-2010 11:03 AM
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These "comments" are totally illiterate. Seriously guys, you'd have more weight in your arguments if you actually could spell and write with correct grammar. Dave's seen more movies and more Asian cinema than you probably have in your whole life. I think he knows what he's talking about. Quit being fan boys and just own the fact that not everyone is going to like this movie. Hell, Rotten Tomatoes rates it only 41% "fresh" so it can't be that great.

K Man - 12-10-2010 12:18 PM
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Yeah I got to agree with Bond on this one. I like westerns, kung fu, and even naruto just as much as the next nerd, but this movie was whack. I'm sorry but even if it were meant as over the top satire, it wasnt done well. Face it. You like a bad movie. And that's ok. There is nothing wrong with liking a movie that is basically crappy. It just throws you in the ranks of a cult following, which is deemed cool in some circles. However, have no disillusions... You still like a crappy movie.

dee - 12-10-2010 8:02 PM
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yep I felt like this film was around 2 0r 3 stars too...it wasn't the worst ever. It was a decent "time-waster" movie.

haha - 12-11-2010 7:55 PM
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hahe this is to bondgirl1965; let me state first that I am Asian, let me state 2nd that there's no way in hell has he seen more Asian martial arts flick/cinema than me! let me state the fact that critics ARE PAID to discredit good movies and PRAISE pathetic movies for example kill bill (such a disgrace to Asian martial arts fan everrywhere) I can also state for the fact that you can't comprehend the truth and wouldn't even admit to the truth! Fan boys are considered idiots (mostly whites) who praises kill bill and those stupid Bourne movies! talk about stereotyping, so you put Jet li in movies and with his martial arts background and degrade him, you put Matt Damon and a few timely train moves and praise him on every article!

haha - 12-11-2010 8:04 PM
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On top of that, ask all "white" people, they're the only ones who praise that pathetic movie "kill bill" the sad thing is bondfag1965, you haven't even seen the flick yet just by your statement! Throw in any "White" superstars of today's era and they would get own by Jet li, Donnie yen, Sammo Hung, Jackie Chan, Tony Jaa, I can keep listing but then what's the point, right? Society today's does suck huh, you know it, I know it, it's time to admit that this stupid fat ass of a joke is indeed PAID to discredit good movies and PRAISE bad one! I can just Imagine if Ninja Gaiden comes out with a "white" cast and the movie would suck like hell and watch this idiot praise it just for the $, so no, he does not know more Asian flicks than me!

haha - 12-11-2010 8:08 PM
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let's also take for example the movie dragonball z, Asian animation, beloved and all, only to be cast by a "white" cast so it can draw the "white" audience, now you get it? Yeah I know the truth hurts!

Captain Metropolis - 12-11-2010 10:57 PM
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I think the real racists here are you idiots who think that if a white guy dislikes a crappy martial arts movie, that makes him a "racist." Does this review praise "Kill Bill"? No. Does it cite Jackie Chan and Tony Jaa? Yes. So cram it, already.

Pomelo - 4-23-2011 3:15 PM
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I liked the atmosfere of the movie, the plot was simple but it's a action movie (it doesn't need to have a worked plot to be good). There were two things I hated. 1) The girl. I don't know why but I hated her. Something in the way she acts. 2) Too much jumping! I don't like jumping ninjas. Also, it was a little slow in the beggining. ------------ Do you really hate so much kill bill? I thought it had some pretty sick fights. Dave's review is pretty shitty. Just says the movie is bad but explains nothing. I think it's partially prejudices.

ZhongYanDe - 1-06-2012 10:28 AM
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Kate Bosworth blew in this movie, worst acting I have seen in a while. K Man was right, if they were going for over the top, they have failed. She was just terrible. Racist? Wow. I've seen many a martial arts film and this does not compare. Not by a long shot. Kill Bill doesn't either, but Dave never brought that up. Let's face it, there will never be another Invincible Shaolin, Five Deadly Venoms or any Shaw Bros. film ever again. Just like there will never be another The Thing, Alien or They Live classic. This movie was not even 2 stars. Kate really ruined it.

suwan - 5-27-2013 4:53 AM
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suwan - 5-27-2013 4:54 AM
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