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Vampires Suck Review Critics


Dave White Profile

Not this much. Read full review


Jen Yamato Profile

Twilight Movie Read full review

Other Critics provided by

Critics scores range from 0 to 100, with higher scores indicating more favorable reviews.

  • 1.0

    out of 100

    Overwhelming dislike
    based on a weighted average of all
    critic review scores.

  • 30

    out of 100

    The Hollywood Reporter Frank Scheck

    The main performers do a reasonably good job of parodying the "Twilight" leads, with Proske particularly effective in subtly lampooning Kristen Stewart's moody mannerisms.

    Read Full Review

  • 42

    out of 100

    Entertainment Weekly Adam Markovitz

    The exception is newcomer Jenn Proske, who spoofs Twilight star Kristen Stewart's flustered, hair-tugging angst with hilarious precision.

    Read Full Review

For Families provided by Common Sense Media

Iffy for 14+

Lowbrow, sex-and-violence-laden vampire spoof really bites.

What Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Vampires Suck is a very lowbrow spoof of the Twilight films from the makers of previous lame parodies like Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans. It's rated PG-13 but pushes the boundaries of that rating with it's frequent (albeit cartoonish) violence, sexual obsession, and language (there's one "f--k" and several "s--t"s). Teen boys who are sick of Twilight might find some perverse pleasure in seeing it skewered, but the satire here isn't very smart or funny, and there's little of value.

  • Families can talk about the violence in the movie. Is it funny? If so, why? Does that change its impact?
  • What makes a satire or a spoof work? Is this an effective satire or spoof of the Twilight films? Does it make you appreciate those films more or less?

The good stuff
  • message true0

    Messages: As in the Twilight films, the theme here involves overwhelming, passionate romance that borders on obsessive and is at the expense of everything else. Beyond that, there's no evidence of mutual trust or friendship. Instead, characters are mainly interested in sex, ridiculing others, and stereotyping.

  • rolemodels true0

    Role models: Like the real Bella character in the Twilight films, Becca's obsession with Edward seems on the unhealthy side; it doesn't feel like a mutually beneficial love. She's willing to sacrifice everything for him, including family, friends, and perhaps her own future. As this is a spoof, there's no meaningful discussion about what the relationship means; it's all jokes about break-ups and sex.

What to watch for
  • violence false4

    Violence: Lots of highly exaggerated, consequence-free violence and spurting blood played for cartoonish comic effect. In one scene, a character has a broken arm with a protruding bone. A vampire sucks a character dry (her skin shrivels up). Another character has his arms, legs, and head ripped off. Characters beat each other up with fists, feet, knives, shovels, baseball bats, and whatever other weapons happen to be handy. A character pulls a gun and shoots a girl in the woods. A character "juggles" a baby in another scene. Characters are kicked in the crotch.

  • sex false3

    Sex: In one scene, Becca decides that she's going to "hump the s--t out of" Edward. She leaps on top of him, kisses him, nibbles his neck, and removes his "chastity ring." She also appears in a leather "dominatrix" outfit (including flashing red lights on the bra). But they're interrupted before sex can actually happen, and there's no nudity. In another scene, Edward touches his penis through his jeans. He also strips naked; his genitals aren't visible, but there's a shot of his "saggy" buttocks (the punchline of a joke). References to another character's required shirtlessness. Becca's dad comments on the size of her breasts.

  • language false3

    Language: One use of "f--k" and several "s--t"s. Other words include "wang," "douchebag," "son of a bitch," "damn," "t-ts," "goddamn," "hump," "ass," "bitch," "crap," "oh my God," and "hell," plus one use of the raised middle finger.

  • consumerism false3

    Consumerism: The characters regularly display and use name brands, such as Facebook and Twitter, Slurpee, Cheetos, Count Chocula cereal, and Tampax. Edward rides a Segway. The movie directly references the real Twilight films and author Stephenie Meyer, and there are endless pop culture references to celebrities like the Kardashians, the Black Eyed Peas, the Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, George Clooney, and more.

  • drugsalcoholtobacco false2

    Drinking, drugs and smoking: Some teens are seen drinking at the prom. A teen character hurls a bottle of champagne from the back of her rented limo.