Who's In It: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader, Ken Jeong, Dave Foley, Chris Riggi, Arielle Kebbel, B.J. Britt, Charlie Weber
The Basics: The Epic/Date/Disaster Movie guys are back with a spoof of all things vampire, a pop culture trend that admittedly had it coming. The main target of their mostly unfunny energies here is the Twilight phenomenon (up to New Moon; guess this script was scribbled together before Eclipse came out this summer), following plain, bland teenager Becca upon her arrival in Sporks, Washington. The usual forced sight gags and hammy performances by newcomers and actors you used to know and love ensue as everything Twilight is mocked over the course of 80 long, mildly soul-crushing minutes.
What's The Deal: Here's the thing: in the long, miserable history that is writer/directors Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg's filmmaking career, Vampires Suck is a definite improvement. By targeting one main franchise in its sights (The Twilight Saga) instead of an entire genre, Friedberg + Seltzer create a much more focused film, paying close attention to the details that they then spoof with idiotic abandon. Even the production values, aping the Twilight films themselves, are a step up from their previous low budget offerings. Surprisingly, Twi-hards -- well, those with a sense of humor and awareness of the inherent silliness of the books and films -- are the ones who'll get the most enjoyment out of Vampires Suck and its mockery of the cringe-worthy things fans accept and forgive unconditionally in their beloved series. If only Friedberg + Seltzer were confident enough to avoid throwing in absurd asides, fart jokes, and distractingly endless pop culture references to faux-zeitgeist entities like Jersey Shore, the Kardashians, Twitter, Dear John, Gossip Girl, iCarly, American Idol, and everything else they think teenagers are into these days, their more subtle riffs might actually make for -- dare I say it -- a decent spoof film.
Who's Obviously Done Their Homework: Newcomer Jenn Proske, who manages to out-KStew KStew. Proske's performance is a sly piece of work; she nails Kristen Stewart's heavy-lidded expressions and the way lines tumble breathily out of her as she bites her lip, gazes at the ground, and stammers her way through the Twilight Saga. The difference between Proske's Becca and Stewart's Bella is the knowingness beneath Proske's straight-faced seriousness (Proske also nails Stewart's forest meltdown and nightmare screams, which should amuse Twilight fans).
Where You've Seen Matt Lanter Before: He's the voice of Anakin Skywalker on Star Wars: The Clone Wars, is currently on 90210, and starred in Friedberg + Seltzer's Razzie-nominated Disaster Movie. As the pasty-faced vampire hunk Edward Sullen, Lanter captures a lot of RPattz's mannerisms (the eye-scrunching make-out face, the hunched over walk). Why he sold his soul to the "Fill in the Blank" Movie guys, we may never know.
Who Gets The Most Sympathy For Being In Vampires Suck: It's a close race between Ken Jeong and Dave Foley, but Foley wins because it feels like he needed the money more. Jeong is so crazy I'd believe he'd do a movie like this for kicks, and even after this and Furry Vengeance I still love the guy. Second runner up: Arielle Kebbel, most recently seen guest-starring on The Vampire Diaries. If you don't know, this is a definite step down. Someone get this girl on True Blood!