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What Would Steve Harvey Do?

Sorry scientists and academics, but Steve Harvey is the smartest man alive right now. Here's why:

1. He's managed to turn his career as a stand-up comic, radio host and actor into a launching pad for becoming the Boss of All Dating and Relationship Gurus. While you were ignoring rule books about how to get true love in your life, he went and created a self-help best-seller for women (the only people who a) still buy books and b) read dating how-to guides) called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. They love having him on The View now.

2. Then he turned it into a movie where not only is the script based on the book's rules, it's also about all the characters reading the book, talking about the book, living by the book's rules, arguing about the book's rules, engaging in multiple who's-zoomin'-who battles with members of the opposite sex, encouraging other people to read the book and then having more discussions about how amazingly insightful a book it is. Count the number of times somebody on screen says, "Steve says..." It's a built-in drinking game.

3. Then he put himself in the movie as narrator. He stops the action for fourth-wall-breaking rule recitation from the book, giving the audience no choice but to learn Steve Harvey's rules. If you walk out when it's over and don't know that you should wait 90 days to have sex with that somebody new you're dating, then you are required, by the recently instituted Federal Steve Harvey Law, to go buy a new, hardcover copy and write a thousand-word book report.

4. In his role as executive producer of the movie of his book, he's made rigid regulations for human sexuality seem like fun by signing off on a hot young cast of talented, funny actors, all of whom seem ecstatic to be in any wide-release film that isn't The Help or directed by Tyler Perry (the script here unapologetically pokes fun at Perry no less than three times). The fact that it's also adult-oriented, sophisticated, as reality-based as a romantic comedy like this can be and genuinely laugh-out-loud funny doesn't hurt. Yes, this is all a big trick Steve Harvey's playing on you, because in the end it's still a self-help book/romantic comedy that ignores the gray areas of human existence, but that's part of what makes him smart. Nobody ever got rich being subtle.

5. Turtle's in it. And his girlfriend is played by Gabrielle Union. That means it's also science fiction. And there'll probably be a sequel.


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