Who's In It: Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet, Meagan Good, Jane Alexander, Idris Elba, Carla Gugino, James Remar
The Basics: Like anybody, the moment I have a nightmare about something weird (for example, the finding and digging up of a blood-red fetus buried in the forest), I immediately assume that the dream means I'm being haunted by the creepy child-ghost of my womb-dead twin brother who's also the furiously angry reincarnation of a kid that died in the Holocaust and who sometimes appears in the form of a dog with an upside-down head. But then I shake it off and decide it's nothing. What I learned watching this movie, though, is that I should go with my gut instincts and hire a rabbi to perform an exorcism on me.
What's The Deal: As stupid PG-13 horror movies for middle-schoolers go, this one at least occasionally looks cool and has some freaky creatures to throw at you every once in a while. That upside-down-headed dog is pretty excellent. All other entertainment value comes from watching respectable actors like Gary Oldman and Jane Alexander going nuts with silly accents and straight faces while delivering dialogue like, "It is time to finish what began at Auschwitz!" Everything else is just one ooga-booga jolt after another.
What It Turns Into: A sequel-baiting PSA for abstinence. Fetuses are bad news for everyone in this thing.
At What Point The Press Screening Audience Decided It Was Okay To Laugh Out Loud: When Meagan Good, who plays the best friend of the evil spirit-beset Odette Yustman, offers the stricken young lady the following helpful de-haunt yourself advice: "Maybe you could leave town."
Almost As Good As: One Missed Call, the crappy American version. It's the one about a haunted cell phone. They perform an exorcism on the phone, too, so you really ought to check it out. Also don't miss The Car, the late-'70s movie with James Brolin about a big black car driven by Satan. By contrast, you can steer clear of stuff like The Exorcism of Emily Rose, because it's just about a person and not, say, an evil panini press.