Who's In It: Steve Martin, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Andy Garcia, Alfred Molina, Yuki Matsuzaki, Aishwarya Rai, John Cleese, Lily Tomlin, Jeremy Irons
The Basics: Steve Martin wants money. To make that happen, he's back as Inspector Clouseau. Inspector Clouseau has to solve a crime. That crime involves someone stealing a bunch of important things. One of those important things is the Pink Panther diamond. While solving the crime he has a weird French accent, sets things on fire and destroys stuff and it's oh so funny. Also he says "hamburger" in that funny way that he did the first time he played Clouseau in that Pink Panther movie with Beyonce. He also said "hamburger" in that funny way in the trailer for that first one. And he also said "hamburger" in that funny way in the trailer for this one. It's so funny when he says "hamburger" in that funny way. You just want to keep hearing him do it over and over again. It never stops being oh so funny. Hamburger!
What's The Deal: You know what I liked? I liked it when Steve Martin was on 30 Rock a while back. Liz Lemon went to his house for dinner and stayed because he was this weird recluse. On that episode, because competent comedy writers were in charge, Steve Martin was funny. You used to be able to count on Steve Martin to be funny on his own, but now he has to have someone help him. Except in this movie, where two other writers worked on the script with him and helped him be not funny at all. Funny how that works out sometimes.
Two Scenes Where I Laughed. Here They Are: Both involve Martin setting the same restaurant on fire on two separate occasions. One scene includes an elaborate wine bottle juggling scenario that's so cool you won't mind that it's probably a CG effect. The other scene gets him in a funny toreador outfit and he does a crazy dance. I chuckled. But a couple of chuckles don't last over the course of 90 minutes. I realized while watching this that I laughed more at that Rob Schneider movie The Animal.
Guaranteed To Make Its Budget Back And More, Thanks To:
1. Paul Blart: Mall Cop has been out for a few weeks now and that audience is in need of a fresh mediocre thing to take their kids to see.
2. Aishwarya Rai, the current Queen of Bollywood, has a supporting and pivotal role. Every single person in India will go see it now.
Here's A Drinking Game For When It Comes To Cable: Every time an aging cast member with what appears to be awful plastic surgery and/or digital crows-feet erasure walks into a scene, down the beverage of your choice. Because the per capita average in this thing is crazy high.