Who’s In It: Haley Bennett, Chace Crawford, Shannon Marie Woodward, Shanna Collins, AnnaLynne McCord
The Basics: She’s just about to turn 18, but private school girl Molly isn’t happy. She has headaches. And visions. And nosebleeds. And a spooky born-again Christian best friend (the movie kind that never says anything unless it’s about Jesus and who sings hymns out loud during tests, making her both religiously suspect and socially irritating). And a psychotic mom who stabbed her once and then got locked up. And a dad that’s barely sympathetic. And the school hot guy from Gossip Girl after her. And the mean girl from 90210 sniffing around. Oh, and when she was born her parents gave her soul to Satan, a guy who is not so cool with the idea of take-backs.
What’s The Deal: This movie is so by-the-numbers and dull that my viewing companion and I made up a game where whatever happened on screen became the new title of the movie. The Homeroom of Molly Hartley; The Headache of Molly Hartley; The Halter Top of Molly Hartley; The Hemophilia of Molly Hartley; The Hardly-Touched-Dinner of Molly Hartley; The Hack Direction of Molly Hartley; The Hooters of Molly Hartley, etc. It was a movie theater, so there was no way to make a drinking game out of it. And it kept us from falling asleep. Mostly.
Every Dumb Cloud Has A Slightly Less Dumb, Somewhat Surprising Silver Lining: The predictability of this PG-13 shocker for 11 year-olds (that’s code for “stuff jumps out at you from time to time”) is suddenly disrupted by a twist ending that is absolutely not what you’re expecting and not at all in keeping with the rote thriller-isms that come before the final 15 minutes or so. And best of all most parents will totally hate it.
Because You Are Young And Disorganized You Will Probably Be Late For The Movie: And that’s okay because the entire opening sequence, in which a guy murders his own daughter to save her from the mystery of what she’s going to become when she turns 18, isn’t connected plot-wise to the rest of the film at all. It happens and it’s never mentioned again.
How You’ll Know What’s Really Going On: When Molly runs past a local movie theater screening Roman Polanski’s The Tenant. Unless you’ve never seen The Tenant. Or heard of it. Or of Roman Polanski. Given the movie’s target demographic that’s very possible. So maybe that'll be a lost clue.