Who's In It: Dylan Walsh, Sela Ward, Penn Badgley, Amber Heard, Sherry Stringfield, Paige Turico
The Basics: A killer just begging to be caught--the guy can't lie well, keeps dead bodies handy as souvenirs, you know the type--latches on to an unsuspecting single mother and her kids so that he can murder them. And yet he's no match for teen sleuths in bikinis. Oh yeah, sorry, in addition to murders and charming creepos who stalk their victims, the movie is also about these dumb kids in love. Because that's what you want to see in a movie like this: cuddling.
What's The Deal: Oh good, the people who made the loserly PG-13 Prom Night remake are back for another money-matters-first stab at copycatting. You could almost forgive them for the Prom Night moment, because the only things worth saving from the original were Jamie Lee Curtis and the nutty disco theme song. There was a chance of improving on the mediocre original. They didn't, but least there was the possibility. Meanwhile the '80s version of The Stepfather is actually good, a wicked and scary commentary on Reagan-era conservatism. This pointless remake, however, knows that its young target audience doesn't know its superior predecessor ever existed. It also knows that thrillers don't have to smart, they just need to have stuff that jumps out at you a lot. I hate people who make movies like this. I want them to go work in an office cubicle somewhere and leave me alone.
Who Deserves Better: Dylan Walsh and Sela Ward. The kids in the cast are just paying their dues. Every young actor needs a tepid horror film on their résumé. The grown-ups, though, you feel sorry for them. And I know everyone needs money. I get that. I just hope they got paid well enough so that they never have to talk to the creators of this crap again aside from contractual publicity obligations and maybe a fakey this-shoot-was-so-fun DVD commentary.
Better Use Of Your Halloween Fun-Times Cash: Giant Costco-sized bag of candy corn. It'll make you sick. But even that will be more fun than watching this.