Dave White
Sorority Row Review

Dave's Rating:

1.5

Slow-motion pillow fights must die.

Who's In It: Briana Evigan, Margo Harshman, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung, Leah Pipes, Matt O'Leary, Audrina Patridge, Matt Lanter, Carrie Fisher

The Basics: I know what you did last semester. You got drunk and played a prank and killed me--a former star of The Hills--totally on accident and dumped my already quite skinny body down a well and now I'm an actual skeleton in a decaying halter top from Forever 21. Soon mysterious killer(s) will begin stalking you and your Heathers-like sorority sisters and there'll be some funny Scream-esque dialogue and cast members like Carrie Fisher popping up in an attempt to make it feel like this hasn't been done a million times before. And better. Way better.

What's the Deal: I have to give this movie some points for making its victims such humorously horrible people that you really do wind up cheering on their demise. But what's the big idea with being an R-rated horror movie that gets stingy with the murder violence? You've committed yourself to being harsher than PG-13 so why not go for it? Why so much flinching and holding back? Especially when its not afraid of showing tons of boobs all over the place. Did the filmmakers forget the rules about movies where hot teens get methodically and laughably killed? They must have or I'd have witnessed a much more entertaining slasher movie just now. That's all I can figure.

Who Keeps It Afloat: Relative newcomer Leah Pipes as the main mean girl. She glides icily through the film swatting evil bitchy comments into the cheap seats and expressing not one ounce of fear or terror, only petulant annoyance, as her sorority sisters get tire-ironed one by one into that big rush party in hell. She made me keep paying attention.

Who Gets Misused: The hilarious Carrie Fisher, who's barely in the movie and is given nothing cool to say or do. Bummer.

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