Grae's Rating:

1.0

Warning: May cause dizziness, vomiting, or Icee-throwing

Who's In it: Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin, John Krasinski, Colin Egglesfield, Steve Howey, Jill Eikenberry

The Basics: Rachel (Goodwin) always defers to her domineering friend Darcy (Hudson). This has cost her a lot of things, including (but not limited to) her pride and her college crush Dex (Egglesfield), who Darcy is now marrying. But Rachel wanted him first, so she starts down a slippery slope of adultery, pouting, and flashbacks. Eventually everything lands in a "Why am I watching this?" heap.

What's The Deal: This movie is like a A Simple Plan wrapped in a chick flick tortilla, served with Mystifying Sauce. The whole thing was 2 hours of watching unlikable characters making the wrong choice at every turn, which grated on my nerves. We first receive our cues on who the main characters are from their hair. Goodwin's wig for the character Rachel says "bookish" and "can't get a man." Hudson's golden locks as best friend Darcy say "vivacious, carefree, and obnoxious." If you are fine with getting most of your character development from follicles, you're all set. If not, this movie is going to perplex you in a really bad way. Plus, a lot of it takes place in the Hamptons, which makes it bourgeoisie and therefore that much more disgusting. The movie screams "Rich people have problems too! Like with their lives, not just which mansion they should buy!" It took a minute of self-talk to refrain from throwing my Icee at the screen.

Desperately Seeking Sanity: I was grasping at straws to find anyone in the film that acted like a normal human being with a moral center. Rachel's version of emotions in this film consisted of her making a statement, walking away, having a flashback, returning to where she came from, and then saying the exact opposite thing. John Krasinski plays her best friend, and occasionally he would spout something resembling wisdom--but even he can't just tell an annoying girl that he's not interested in her. He has to avoid her and lie about being gay just to prolong the torture for both himself and the audience. It turns out, as my beloved Movies.com partner Dave White pointed out, the only character in the entire film that has any integrity is the infantile, womanizing trust fund kid Marcus (Howey). The only problem is, I didn't like his character either.

A World of Pure Imagination: When a movie is this puzzling it makes me drift off into dreamy dream world where I imagine the film I want to see. The centerpiece of my fantasy has to do with Dex's mom (Eikenberry). Apparently her grip on happiness is tenuous at best and this wedding is finally giving her a reason to live, so Dex is reluctant to call it off. Every close up of her is heavy with her wavery smile and hopeful stare. In my head, this close up is followed by her pulling out a semi-automatic weapon and clearing out the restaurant while screaming "Die, you uptown pigs!"

Don't Touch That Dial: If you choose to see this movie for some reason, make sure to stay through the credits for some cutting-room floor footage (?) that furthers the assertion that nothing associated with this movie makes sense. I actually yelled "What?!" and threw my Icee at the screen. The cup was empty by then, but still.

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