Dave's Rating:

0.5

Boom I Got Your Boyfriend: The Movie

Who's In It: Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin, Colin Egglesfield, John Krasinski, Steve Howey, Ashley Williams

The Basics: Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson are lifelong best friends who can tell you how much the other's purse cost but have so far managed to avoid sharing crucial information about what guys they're into, resulting in Hudson snapping up the one man her best pal loves. Goodwin is, of course, the brunette of this fantasy universe, one in which she's considered homely and unlovable. Is it redundant to say she's also a victim of She's All That Syndrome, always wearing glasses, body-shrouding clothes and what appears to be a Sabbath wig? Maybe, but at least she's the one doing the borrowing of the title, and what she borrows most of all is her best friend's boyfriend's penis. It's okay that she's doing that, though, because they really love each other a lot. In fact, she had dibs.

What's The Deal: It's not too much of an exaggeration to say that every character in this movie is probably mentally ill. Because if they aren't, then the only other explanation is that they live in the Bizarro World where up is down, black is white and it's always Opposite Day. The alleged human beings on display don't have fixed centers of behavioral characteristics you can more or less count on, so every single moment is a fresh opportunity to change personalities and play a game of "Gotcha!" with the audience. It's a gravity-free zone of chaos and "I have gonorrhea" might just as easily and logically be spoken by anyone on screen as "I secretly love you." Because of these qualities, I have no choice but to recommend this rotten movie as a fascinating, disastrous, baffling, confusional masterpiece of bull$#*! and anti-romance. It's the Transformers of chick-flicks, a brain-stabbing hundred minutes of brutal hurtness. Take the dare.

Kate Hudson Refines Her Role In Bride Wars And Delivers It To That Next Level: To give this woman her due, she's really coming into her own as a screen villain. She's got some truly effective sneering techniques and dismissive goofball faces that were partly inherited from her mother Goldie Hawn and partly honed by acting in garbage movie after garbage movie. She's truly not bad at maintaining a consistent level of blithe, dumb, self-involvement. But even her character gets caught up in the movie's personality reversal machine and it all goes to WTF-land (especially over the closing credits, which promise--oh please, make it so, evil god of terrible rom-coms--an even more upsettlingly nonsensical sequel).

Moment of Truth: The sole instance of real life observation comes from John Krasinski's character (a guy who has his own weird agendas and problems), who announces to Goodwin that her behavior is idiotic and that the generic, bland bore she's carrying a torch for is a [word I'm not allowed to print here]. Feel free to applaud openly in the theater. I did.

Dear Grae Drake, Fellow Film Critic of This Site, Welcome Home From India: Because I laughed the most when, during Kate Hudson's wedding gown fitting scene, the shop assistant noted Kate's crocodile tears, said, "Aww, she's having her bridal moment," and you reacted with a loud, "UGH!" Nice one.

Share
RSS RSS
Advertisement

Dave's recent reviews

All Dave White's Movie Reviews