Dave White
See No Evil Review

Dave's Rating:

2.0

… not scary at all.

Who's in It: Glen Jacobs, Samantha Noble, Luke Pegler, Tiffany Lamb

The Basics: WWE wrestler Kane (Jacobs) has a big ax. He uses it to chop up people who get in his way, and there's always someone in his way. Then he plucks out their eyeballs and saves them in jars. Get it? See no evil!

What's the Deal? Kane has one line in this movie. He says "I see" at the big climax moment when he has an emotional breakthrough. Telling you this isn't really a spoiler, by the way, so don't stress. He also yells "Aggghhh!" a couple of times. This was smart on his part. That way, he can say he made his big-screen debut and didn't embarrass himself.

How Bad Is It? Pretty bad. But that's just by normal movie-critic standards. It's also bad because it fails to be even a little inventive, and it's not scary at all. That's because it's kind of hard to be scared of Kane. He's a giant and all (6 feet, 9 inches, 300-plus pounds) but almost cuddly. And the movie gives you so many flashbacks to explain his character that you just feel sorry for him by the end. Kind of like King Kong.

Gore Report Card: B-, maybe C+. It's pretty gross. There's plenty of point-of-impact stuff, and that's always welcome in a chop-'em-up movie that doesn't have much else to offer. But it's nothing you haven't seen before.

Spot the Australian Accent: It was shot in Australia with actors you've never heard of. You get the feeling they got the part because they could do a passable American dialect most of the time, with only minor lapses.

Pedigree: From former porn director Gregory Dark, the man responsible for New Wave Hookers, starring the underage Traci Lords.

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