Dave White
Saw 3D Review

Dave's Rating:

0.5

Third-degree boredom.

Who's In It: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Betsy Russell, Sean Patrick Flanery, Cary Elwes

The Basics: [Note to readers who care: this review will contain a lot of spoilers] The Saw Legacy Project continues as past victims, sawing acolytes and pretenders to the Jigsaw throne meet their demise and reveal their true personalities. This one involves a Jigsaw survivors' support group. No, seriously, that's what it's about, people who sit around in a creepy dark church working through the pain of their mutual imprisonment and partial dismemberment by Jigsaw and/or his predecessors. One of them, played by Sean Patrick Flanery (please see Jen's review for some nice "OMG YOUNG INDIANA JONES!" drooling) wrote a book about his ordeal. Except he's a liar, which means that Jigsaw's worker drones are going to fix his wagon with a series of impossible traps and machines. Hooray.

What's The Deal: All marketing materials point to this being the last of the series. Except it still ends in that "Golly, what a surprise that is" way. The way all the Saw movies end. Because if this one takes in a lot of cash they'll decide that it isn't time to say goodbye just yet. And that's really the problem with all the Saw movies from #2 until now; they're nothing but contracts signed and checks cashed. The death machines have been intermittently gut-splosiony enough to satisfy gorehounds like me, but they've taken on a blurry sameness that make you yawn instead of yell. More than once in this movie (more than twice, even) characters say, "Game over" like they mean it. I wish someone behind the camera would.

The Ways Victims Die: In a three-way sawing machine inside a giant glass box in broad daylight, in public, with people watching and--nice touch--filming it with their camera phones; via car running over a woman's head while the same car tears two other people in half; in one of those face-crunching metal masks; roasted alive in a giant robotic oven; blown up, stabbed and left to rot and starve. It's a wonderful life.

Silliest Conceit: The same one they've been peddling since the first movie, which is that if you survive a Jigsaw trap then somehow you become born again and appreciative of how valuable your life is. To that end, this movie as well as most of the others makes sure that the victims are confronted with mom-like lunch box messages as often as possible ("Value your loved ones!") while they make their way through raw sewage to find the key to unlock the box to stop the impalement of their girlfriend. That last bit was just an example, it's not another way people die here.

3D Tickets Cost Up To $4.00 More Than Regular Tickets: Save your money. The whole thing looks like they rubbed the camera lenses with oily dishwater and the few moments where they throw some guts and blood at you were already done better in Piranha 3-D. "The traps come alive" in the trailer, but not here.

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Comments (10)

jonathan - 11-01-2010 3:49 PM
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Love your reviews, Dave. I think they are hilarious. Keep it going!

John - 11-01-2010 4:29 PM
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You don't seem like you ever liked the saw series to begin with. Just so you know, the series took a more interesting turn when Detective Hoffman began to helm the legacy of Jigsaw. He's actually the character real fans root for.

Moviedude - 11-01-2010 5:33 PM
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Now, I'm sure this wasn't meant to be a comedy, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud in the theater (and immediately catching myself after becoming self-aware) at the horrible dialogue and predictable storyline...yes even the ending (when has jigsaw not had a plan "B"?). I imagined the writers hurrying to finish the scripts before going out for drinks...and laughing all the drunken way to the bank. And then I realized that I just paid $11 to see this sloppy seventh (not final) installment. Dang!

MarkA - 11-02-2010 11:32 AM
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I love how Jigsaw causes the deaths of innocent people to teach the "bad" people a lesson. What, you can't reach the key? Oh, so sorry, the woman is now frozen to death. Next time try harder.

Cheryl - 11-03-2010 3:44 PM
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They couldn't pay me enough to watch these movies let alone expect me to pay to see such garbage. Previews were enough to keep me away. Am I the only sane person on the planet??

Lauren - 11-06-2010 1:37 PM
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dave, your reviews are great & always crack me up! My thing with the Saw franchise is that Jigsaw died in the third movie... Weeks or months have passed since his death. Are we really supposed to believe that Jigsaw planned such intricate traps with the hope that Hoffman will carry them out? That storyline gets a little ridiculous IMO. What made this movie better than the others, in terms of the traps, is that the editors didn't rely on fast cuts & camera movements like every other movie to make the traps seem "intense".. with the 3D Technology, the shots have to be longer & slower or else the viewer gets dizzy. It helped make the traps and their execution more deliberate.

DJ - 11-07-2010 9:36 PM
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I watch alot of movies and this is not a bad movie. This is a Saw movie so what do people expect? Lots of graphic gore and blood,so this movie sticks true to its predecessors. For all who want to see it and like Saw, this is a good movie.

Dan - 11-08-2010 3:08 PM
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Cheryl. Commenting on the reviews of movies you have not seen does not make a good case for your "only sane person on the planet" claim.

Jigsaw - 11-11-2010 10:34 PM
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Hey, I like your reviews and all but to all the haters that absolutely hate these movies, then JUST DONT WATCH EM! The SAW Movie franchise is considered one of the most successful Horror Franchises ever made, and I quote this from magazines and other critics. So just lay off the SAW Movies and play the game... LIVE OR DIE...MAKE YOUR CHOICE!!

corrine - 11-14-2010 9:52 AM
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this movie had terrible actors. i'm thinking that nobody wanted to act in this movie, so they got the pig man to steel somebody off the street? it deffiantly isn't worht the time and money.

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