Who's In It: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Daniel Olbrychski, August Diehl
The Basics: Evelyn Salt is a spy. But for what country? American in 2010 or Russia in 1985? Doesn't really matter. You'll discover why everyone is behaving weirdly and all double-agenty as the movie sprints along. In fact, you'll figure it out before the movie sprints along. That's because it thinks it's The Bourne Identity even though it actually has more in common with Gotcha! Not that there's anything wrong with Gotcha!
What's The Deal: There are movies that are like eating in a conceptual restaurant with odd ingredient pairings and lobster foam and flavored air. They disorient you and catch you off guard. You know you just had something great but you might not be sure what it was. Then there are the ones like meatloaf. No surprises but you're still happy. And then there are the garbagely delicious, too-stupid-to-go-anywhere-but-the-Wendys-drive-thru movies that are moronic and wrong, but that taste so good you walk out satisfied anyway. This one is has bacon, fake cheese, major seriousface and really greasy fries on the side.
For Your Entertainment: Some people might call what I'm about to write here "spoilers." But I think of them more as enticements. Communist orphans brainwashed by watching The Brady Bunch, extreme jumping, ammonia-blasting guns fashioned out of office furniture, Long Kiss Goodnight-like wig excitement, plot twists that would make the word "implausible" kill itself from all the shame, escape from certain doom thanks to strategic panty deployment, face-kicking, secret spider venom injections, exploding churches, male drag via latex face masks that would cause even Barbra Streisand in Yentl to say, "Okay, who here actually believes this isn't a chick?" But best of all, THE SHOE-KNIFE! Now, go back and look at that list. Do you enjoy one or more of those things in a movie? Because if so then you're going to have a great time.
The Precise Moment You Will Understand Exactly What Sort Of Movie You're Watching: After her first big bang-up, she escapes on a ferry and is all of a sudden wearing a big Russian fur hat and matching wrap like she's some kind of czarina. You try to imagine Tom Cruise--who was originally cast in this as "Edwin" Salt before it shifted over to Jolie--in whatever the male equivalent of that outfit would be and all it would signify in terms of spy movies and camp and flat-out kookoo-bananas-ness and that's when you have to admit to yourself that she was the right choice. I wish the sequel were opening next week.