Dave White
The Roommate Review

Dave's Rating:

1.0

"Single Digit I.Q. Female"

Who's In It: Leighton Meester, Minka Kelly, Cam Gigandet, Aly Michalka, Danneel Harris, Frances Fisher, Billy Zane

The Basics: Set in a parallel dimension where those crappy little miniature fedoras are still in style, everyone communicates on a social networking site called "Frienderz," Bipolar Disorder is exactly the same thing as being a violent psychotic and Single White Female was never a movie, it's the cautionary tale of two young women sharing a luxurious, spacious, well-appointed college dorm room. Then the "bipolar" one goes kookoo-bananas, mutilates herself, stabs people, spitefully makes out with lesbians and puts a kitten in a dryer. The other one stares blankly into space, waiting for the moment in her acting career when she doesn't get offered movies like this anymore.

What's The Deal: Lazy, ugly, boring, inept, brainless, pointless, bloodless, tension-less, idea-less, suspense-less, naked-less, acting-less. That's what it is, now here are your options for responding to it should you find yourself enduring all 90 minutes...

Rage: It's usually my go-to emotion when I find I've just paid money to be insulted, and maybe it's yours too. But there's no real point in getting so worked up about a run-of-the-mill bad movie. And because the people responsible aren't around to see you supply the fury the film should have delivered, your tantrum will be like a tree falling in the woods. Better you should engage in...

Derisive Comments and Laughter: It's the only sane response. But to do it properly you're going to need to see it with friends in a very crowded theater with a very unruly, preferably drunken audience. If you're cheap then just wait until cable and just have people over. Otherwise you'll have no one but yourself around to point out the way Leighton Meester communicates murder-thoughts exclusively via the jutting of her lower lip, or how Cam Gigandet can't seem to convincingly select a book from a library shelf. It's wrong to walk through life all alone that way.

Fun Fact: Features two actors who appeared in Titanic--Frances Fisher as Meester's mother (a character hilariously described as "very fond of" her daughter) and Billy Zane as a professor who wears idiotic outfits and tries to date-rape his female students.

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Comments (11)

Daniel - 2-04-2011 8:05 PM
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Ouch.

ArmaanK - 2-04-2011 9:41 PM
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^ Agreed.

James - 2-04-2011 10:26 PM
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Just came from seeing it...zzzzzzz. But, that being said...it WAS totally an updated version of Single White Female...duh. And, that other thing being said...it was just campy, silly, Gen Y-ish fun. (and I'm GenX..but anywho)...Minka Kelly is beautiful, but I don't see her dethroning Anne Hathaway or Natalie Portman if you know what I mean (lol)..and I love Leighton because I think Gossip Girl is genius, mindless, fun. Tomorrow we're seeing The Rite...I'll give you my two cents then.

n - 2-04-2011 11:54 PM
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I really don't wanna see this movie. Sharing a dorm is bad enough but sharing one with a psychopath is one of my worst nightmares. Thank god I don't have to live on campus.

S - 2-05-2011 12:20 AM
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you rock dave, keep telling it like it is. you are the only critic i listen to.

MB - 2-05-2011 10:45 AM
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S, I agree. I think people misinterpret Dave's take on movies. He's a purist of all things art and culture. Lately Hollywood has lacked both.

TIFFANY - 2-05-2011 11:06 AM
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can they come up with any original movies anymore all im going to say is "SINGLE WHITE FEMALE"

Destinee - 2-05-2011 4:09 PM
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I really want to see this movie....was it really that bad.

robert j harvey - 2-08-2011 2:54 AM
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Can anyone say 'SWF' remake with a college twist or lametastic, take your pick.

MICHEAL - 2-09-2011 5:29 PM
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WTF THIS SUCKS NO MOVIES ONLINE FREE SO WHY IS THIS WEB CALLED MOVIES.COM

little julie <3 - 4-22-2011 2:11 PM
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me amd my cousin wached at the movies 2day it was awesome im sooo gonna buy it;)

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