Dave White
Pulse Review

Dave's Rating:

2.0

You'll hate this one.

Who's in It: Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder, Christina Milian, Rick Gonzalez, Jonathan Tucker

The Basics: You kids today need to stop sitting in front of the computer all the time and text-messaging each other because … you know, we didn't want to scare you with this or anything, but if you do that stuff for too long, it makes monsters and ghosts come after you.

What's the Deal? Maybe you've seen the boring, not-scary Japanese movie called Pulse that this is based on. If you did, then you'll be bored by this one, too. It doesn't matter whether you liked that one or not. You'll hate this one.

How Ghosts Play Rock-Paper-Scissors: They do this with duct tape. Red duct tape. And if you have some, then you can keep them at bay. Except scissors cut tape, so that's some silly ghost logic, really.

Why It's Slightly Better in Japanese Even Though I Just Said It Was Boring in That Language, Too: That version is told more obliquely; it's sealed-off, atmospheric and weird. They don't roll that way in American movies. Everyone has to run around, being all obvious and saying, "OK, this is why all this ridiculous stuff is happening."

I Hear Veronica Mars Is a Really Good Show: But I don't watch it. And I hope Kristen Bell rises to the material she's given because it's impossible to gauge her abilities from this nap-inducing 90 minutes of lame.

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