Who's in It:
Keira Knightley, Rosamund Pike, Matthew MacFadyen, Jena Malone, Donald Sutherland, Brenda Blethyn, Tom Hollander, Judi Dench
The Basics: Jane Austen's comedy about marriage mania gets an unnecessary update that will still make you all giddy with mushy love feelings.
What's the Deal? OK, so
but OMG I loved this movie so much that I have to turn in my Manly Man Club ID card now. I literally have no penis anymore. I am now a lady. I'll begin wearing lady clothes and bonnets and whatever else just like the chicks in this movie. I'll begin giggling madly about cute boys and all that. This is the end of masculinity for me. That's how down I am for every single minute of this movie, and I will give a thorough ass-kicking to anyone who dares step to me about it.
How You Know You're in for It: In the first five minutes of the movie, six women begin squealing about a giant ball that's about to take place, and one of them begs "Pa-PAH" for permission to go and find herself a man. Then the whole rest of the movie is about knowing glances and witty ripostes and betrayals and headstrong lasses and strapping, brooding suitors and swooning love declarations and on and on.
What It Has in Common With Doom: Blonde gorgeous-person Rosamund Pike, who plays the shy, pure-hearted Jane here, also played an outer-space scientist in the monsters-kill-everyone video-game movie. Yeah, she's slumming in this one, but whatever.
Why It's Awesome: The script is funny, the cast works together like a big complicated machine that runs perfectly and Knightley is a perfect Elizabeth Bennet. Like when Jodie Foster tells you she's a propulsion engineer in Flightplan and you buy it because she is, after all, Jodie Foster — you just have no choice but to believe every smart-alecky, don't-need-a-rich-husband word coming from Knightley's mouth.
The Benefits of Being a Good Sport: OK, guys — and this review is really about convincing men to see it — let's say you're still not interested. Then let's say you go with a significant other who's really into this kind of movie. Guess what? When it's over, you're going to make out. It's a lock. Trust me on this.
What About Colin Firth? There is a big cult fan base for the five-hour BBC miniseries from 1995. Like, a rabid cult fan base. Y'all need to find room in your hearts for this one too.