Who’s In It: Idris Elba, Beyoncé Knowles, Ali Larter, Jerry O'Connell
The Basics: Idris and Beyoncé are happily married but a devilish blonde vixen decides to sexually harass him and stalk the whole family, doing everything but boil the pet rabbit. You’ve seen the commercial for this one on TV by now and all the don’t-mess-with-Miss Knowles-or-she’ll-push-you-over-the-railing stuff, so you know exactly how it ends. But it doesn’t matter. You’re not buying a ticket for the suspense. You’re buying it to see Beyoncé kick some ass. In fact, according to the Internet Movie Database the working title was Oh No She Didn’t.
What’s The Deal: Unlike Fatal Attraction, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, Swimfan, that Marky-Mark-hunts-down-Reese-Witherspoon one, and all the other sex-crazed-stalker movies from which this film steals every single one of its moments, it’s rated PG-13. And you know that means two things:
1) Annoying kids sitting around you at the theater
2) A contractual inability to really take the insanity to the limit
It’d be nice to say that the Victoria Secretisms and the stalker vs. milf battle royale that dominate the trailer really go the distance into full-tilt awesomeland, but they only almost do that. So if you can lower your expectations a bit you’ll still have a good time yelling at the screen.
What This Film Will Do For Those Etta James-Based Academy Award Dreams: Nothing. But whatever. It’s the still the curse of the PG-13 in effect. If you saw Cadillac Records then you know that Beyoncé knows just the right way to howl and scratch and use bad words and act like an out-of-control woman on the verge, something the Academy usually loves to reward. It just wasn’t her moment then. Or here.
Who Needs To See It: The first time I saw this trailer was before sitting through Madea Goes to Jail and the audience erupted into loud cheering. So all of you guys will want to line up right away. And then all the friends I watch America’s Next Top Model with every Wednesday night who can’t stop quoting lines like, “She was naked in your HOTEL?!” and “I’ll show you crazy.” They’ve already bought their tickets online in a big block. Probably from this very website.
Who Wishes He’d Thought Of This Movie First: Tyler Perry