Dave's Rating:

0.5

When does Dane Cook remake Jury Duty or Bio-Dome?

Who’s In It: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, Jason Biggs, Alec Baldwin

The Basics: If you think being a film critic is a fake job, you haven’t heard this one yet: Dane Cook’s bread and butter in this movie involves being hired by jerkwad guys to go out on dates with their ex-girlfriends. He treats the ladies like dirt and, realizing what an amazing catch they’ve got by comparison, run back into the arms of their former flames. So top this gross premise with the grosser idea that Jason Biggs would employ Cook to anti-woo Kate Hudson and that she would, in turn, fall in love with Cook’s piggishness. That’s when it becomes science fiction. Are you totally enticed to pay good money for this yet?

What’s The Deal? When does Dane Cook remake Jury Duty or Bio-Dome? That’s where this all seems to be going. Based on the evidence, it’s not like he cares about scripts or things being funny or any other consideration that goes into selecting films to make. I imagine the role selection task fall to his personal assistant, somewhere between walking the dog and making dinner reservations.

Sore Thumb Award: Goes to Alec Baldwin, who makes things funny(ish) for the moments he’s on screen, but mostly serves as a sad pocket of too-cool-ness in a humid sweating pie of stupid. If he weren’t around you could maybe just sink down to the level of the film and wallow for a bit. But his presence doesn’t allow you to forget how awful you feel at having to witness it. All you can think is, “I could be home watching a 30 Rock DVD.”

Even Worse: Howard Deutch directed this thing. You know what else he directed? Pretty In Pink. How someone falls artistically from helming one of movies in the holy Molly Ringwald trilogy to cashing a check on the back of the lamest stand-up comic this side of Carrot Top is mysterious. It would also be crazy-making if you decided to actually try to figure it out.

Scene That Will Eventually Wind Up On YouTube: The one where Kate Hudson raps along to 2 Live Crew. After Fool’s Gold she probably felt like she was in an Eric Rohmer film.

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