Who's in It:
John Cena, Robert Patrick, Kelly Carlson, Anthony Ray Parker, Abigail Blanca, Jerome Ehlers
The Basics: Discharged Iraq war vet Cena ignores that still-small voice inside that's begging him to jump-start his post-war career in pro wrestling and just-this-side-of-Federline rapping. Instead, he opts for a rent-a-cop gig in a big office building. Then Cena's wife gets herself kidnapped at a gas station by diamond thieves, led by Terminator 2's Patrick. Then that gas station blows up. Everything in this movie blows up.
What's the Deal? When a movie is this stupid and unconcerned with reality, the goal posts get moved. Is it fun anyway? Are there enough brutal killings? Enough car chases? Enough fireballs? Is the block-of-granite star ridiculously indestructible? And the answer here is yes. It sucks and yet it doesn't, you know?
My Three Favorite Parts That Don't Involve John Cena Running Through Gasoline Fires Unscathed or Diving Off High Cliffs and Not Breaking Any Bones:
1. One of Patrick's henchmen says of Cena, "This guy is like the Terminator!" Patrick just glares back at the guy and the camera goes close up on his eyes.
2. Patrick is talking on his cell phone to another crime accomplice, telling the unseen man on the other end that he's not going to get his cut of the big diamond heist. Then Patrick gets another call and says, "Can you hold on a minute?"
3. One of Patrick's other henchmen recounts how he was molested at summer camp as a teenager. And it's played for laughs. I guess the director just decided a moment of levity was needed amid all the death.
What It's Really About: The Iraq war may be a total fiasco that we're losing. But we're kicking the bad guys' butts. Yeah!