Who's in It: Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Stanley Tucci, Ben Kingsley, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman
The Basics: Believe nothing you see or hear in this con job. It's faking you out by pretending to be a crime thriller. By the end, you will have been had by a movie that bluffed its way to the end just to be able to say, "Gotcha!" Life's too short.
What's the Deal? What I'm about to say isn't a spoiler, although I should, by rights, just go ahead and spoil the whole thing. But I won't. That's because I'm more honest than this movie. Here's the rule, filmmakers: You can trick us in a movie, but we have to be able to trust the filmmaking. You can't show us stuff, and then when you're wrapping up the movie say, "Oh, wait, I forgot, some of what you just saw never happened to the characters, and that's how we were able to keep you confused and strung along." It's cheating.
The Plot, Sort Of: Hartnett is Slevin, a man mistaken for a seriously-in-debt-to-the-mob guy. He finds himself torn between two rival crime bosses. And then there's the part with Willis as an assassin playing both sides of the fence. And then there's the part when Hartnett is a little too Not Freaked Out by it all, making you suspect — can you believe it? — even him.
That's Some Fancy Writin': All the dialogue is arch. Some of the lines are packed with smart-alecky Tarantino-wannabe-ishness. And some are just plain embarrassing, like the one about the character who "woke up to find that his dreams had been just the stuff of pipes." Yes, someone really says that.
What's Good About This Mess: The set decorators must have put in some hardcore overtime, because the furniture and wallpaper are from somebody's 1967 drug trip. Once you get bored with being played by the film itself, there's still plenty of fun stuff to look at. I'm going to send them a thank-you card.