Who's in It: Robert Redford, Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep
The Basics: Some college kids who thought they were going to join the army for education money get shipped off to Afghanistan. Meanwhile, bad Congressman Cruise explains why this is happening to those college kids to spineless reporter Streep. And meanwhile-meanwhile, concerned college professor Redford tries to convince a frat boy to stop skipping school. That's it. It's gunfire and tragedy bookended by big movie stars sitting in rooms talking about gunfire and tragedy. Except for Redford. You'll have no idea what he's talking about, and you won't care for one second whether his scruffy little waste of collegiate flesh goes back to class or not.
What's the Deal? It's kind of mind-blowing that a movie like this can get made. What's supposed to be Cruise's comeback movie, his first under the umbrella of the Cruise-run United Artists after his much publicized split with Paramount, just seems like a lot of wasted funding. Did no Suit dare challenge Cruise, or director Redford even, and say, "Hey, this sucks"? Isn't it someone's job to say, "Hey, why are Tom and Meryl just sitting in chairs for this whole movie? Oh, and by the way, why are Robert and that annoying kid also just sitting in chairs for this whole movie?" It should be someone's job. Derek Jarman's Blue, a movie that director made after he'd gone blind and where all you get is a solid color blue screen and narration, is more visually compelling than this.
Finally, a Believable Role for Cruise: He plays it up as phony and smarmy as possible, which, if I'm going to be generous, I will assume he realizes is a nice goof on his current public image. Unless he doesn't realize that, which would sort of make it even more awesome.
If You're Just Gonna Have People Sit Around and Talk: Then just go ahead and do My Dinner With Andre. On second thought, to even bring up My Dinner With Andre in this context is insulting. I apologize, My Dinner With Andre.
Who's Going to Love Ripping This Thing to Itty-Bitty Pieces: Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and every other right-wing talking head who thinks antiwar people are weak. And they'll get a pass for doing it. I am suddenly temporarily ashamed to be a part of the political left.