Dave's Rating:

2.5

Don't fear the Bieber.

Who's In It: Justin Bieber, Usher, Miley Cyrus, Boyz II Men, Jaden Smith, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg

The Basics: In case you've been busy ignoring popular culture, this is that movie about the kid with the hair who sings. It's 50% concert film and 50% hagiographic promotional video and 0% documentary. But that doesn't mean it's not a reasonably interesting look at how the ridiculously busted music industry functions and how an army of true-believer tween girls can build an artist out of manic tears, glittery homemade posters and eardrum puncturing squeals. That is, at least until they go to college or move on to the next sparkly singing sensation. Ask David Cassidy all the questions you want about this sort of thing. He'll tell you.

What's The Deal: Since this film is review-proof and my watching it and writing about it is next to pointless, I'll just tell you about the parts I liked best. 1) The way that when anyone on Bieber's payroll wants to defy his authority or punish him for perceived brattiness, they simply hoist him up on their shoulders and carry him around while he flails. That's great. 2) Watching him eat donuts from the garbage and failing to obey his Grandma when she tells him to clean up his room. 3) When he shows off his Grandfather's small collection of wild animal taxidermy. 4) Snoop instructing him to grow pigtails and attach little plastic knobby testicle-looking things to the end of them, reasons unknown. 5) The bit in his show when they pull up one hysterically sobbing girl from the audience, place her on a pedestal on stage and present her with roses while JB sings "Lonely Girl" to her. Eventually you know this practice will stop after the first lawsuit over an 11 year-old going into cardiac arrest, but for now it's actually kind of adorable.

Most Seriousest Amount of Tension On Display: Will his hoarse, throat infection-saddled voice be ready in time for his debut at Madison Square Garden? Answer: of course. And if you've seen last year's extremely weird (and more intimately entertaining) Celine Dion documentary, it will remind you of the entire sequence of that film devoted to Celine's throat-care regimen. Watching Bieber resist his voice coach's pleading, you'll find yourself hoping that, as a fellow Canadian, CD will offer a personalized training course to JB on proper room temperature, precise humidity levels, strict vocal rest and its attendant hand-written signs silently barking demands at staff.

If You're Not Already a Fan Will It Make You Like His Music? No.

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Comments (36)

V to the C - 2-11-2011 5:16 PM
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I'm so taking my kids L1, Luffy and Cevy to watch this!

sandy - 2-11-2011 9:31 PM
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O.M.G i love u justin u r the hottest boy alive

ilyssa - 2-12-2011 8:58 AM
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omg!!!! i luv justin bieber and i positively absalutely think his move is gonna ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!1

Justin - 2-12-2011 10:35 AM
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we hate u!!!

Music fan - 2-12-2011 12:19 PM
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Her music is awesome.

reeses l. - 2-12-2011 1:11 PM
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UR SO STUPID!! I HATE U!!

reeses L. - 2-12-2011 1:12 PM
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ur sooooo stupid!! i hate u!!

Blah - 2-12-2011 1:19 PM
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I totally agree with the author

......... - 2-12-2011 1:22 PM
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If ur brave enuf to respond to this then go ahead. Justin Geiger sucks and u r all waisting ur lives thinking about him cuz I'll never meet him

Gyiygcvgjvugvg - 2-12-2011 1:25 PM
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YOU WILL NEVER MEET HIM!!GET A LIFE!!$

awesome - 2-12-2011 1:26 PM
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i just saw the justin beiber movie and i totally luved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......... - 2-12-2011 1:27 PM
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It sucked awesome

Tween Girl - 2-12-2011 3:27 PM
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SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ellen - 2-12-2011 8:12 PM
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Great movie! All the little girls were singing in the place. When it was over, they still wanted more. Very cute movie. Don't give up your dreams on what you want to become in life! Don't let others bring you done. Good story line!

Mrs.Bieber - 2-12-2011 11:59 PM
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some of u guys are to jelous of justin bieber and need to get over the fact that he is sssssssssoooooo cute,hot,plays all kinds of instuerments,and has a great voice so ethier love justin or hate him all of u know that he is the guy u would want to marry

Get An Education - 2-13-2011 2:05 AM
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It's nice to see that everyone who has made a comment on here fails to use proper grammar. I suppose this just goes to show that Justin Bieber's fan base consists of uneducated twelve year old kids.

Dave + Grae SUCK - 2-13-2011 2:23 AM
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Really? 2 1/2 stars? You are as much of an idiotic hypocrite as the people who make the movies you claim to hate. Why are you and Grae even allowed to write reviews?! Will someone please fire these two idiots?!!!

Dave - 2-13-2011 9:38 AM
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Note to all your 13-and-under girls out there: This kid will disappear in 2 years or less (albeit rich forever). If he doesn't succumb to some sort of addiction, it will be a miracle. Do yourselves a favor and google "teen heartthrobs" or "boy bands" from 1960-on and you'll see that most of them are but a sliver on the geological record of the music industry. If this kid was in your math class, and he wasn't famous, you wouldn't care. Even if he was the same exact kid. He has what you want, and THAT'S why you all cry. Money.

Matt - 2-13-2011 11:53 AM
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Does anybody else think the critics on movie.com are way to critical and they need new ones?

Jake - 2-13-2011 11:20 PM
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haha great review. i didn't see the movie and I'm definitely not going to but I totally agree.

lil julie - 2-13-2011 11:55 PM
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i had 2 wait in a line for 2 hours to get my ticket.i came 2 the movie theater at 3 pm and the movie started at 7 pm. i saw it opining day;)

Big Liam 123 - 2-14-2011 7:38 AM
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Fuck Justin Bibitch

Ozzy - 2-14-2011 11:05 AM
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What's a Bieber?

Odin - 2-14-2011 7:32 PM
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I HATE BIEBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nicki - 2-15-2011 10:55 AM
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It's so sad how people are so jealous of JB. He is definitely one of a kind, he's not just cute he's sweet and knows exactly what to say and how to say it. If you dont know him, don't talk trash about him. :) love ya Justin ! :)

John B - 2-15-2011 7:16 PM
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Best line in a movie review so far in 2011: "Since this film is review-proof and my watching it and writing about it is next to pointless, I'll just tell you about the parts I liked best." Awesome. Thanks Dave!

junior - 2-15-2011 10:40 PM
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justin u r so gay ur a joke to boys take ur gay azz an go back were u came from

junior - 2-15-2011 10:47 PM
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your movie was so gay that i fell asleep and we dont want 2 know about your gay as life i rather eat shit then watch your gay azz movie haaaaaaa

Fuckers - 2-17-2011 11:56 AM
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omgomg i already love this movie, visit my page only for TRUE Justin Bieber fans: http://tinyurl.com/5tm7oej :)))

Johny Shemshedini - 2-18-2011 2:29 PM
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I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!############

gisele - 2-19-2011 6:07 PM
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All if you boys are jealous go and ahead and see it I am excited he is hotttt

I love jb<33 - 2-20-2011 11:08 AM
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ONG!!!!!!!!!? i lovee u soooo much nd ur movie i ssoo cool nd dont let people get to u and have the bring u down u have a wonderful telent nd if u want to do so much im life do it tue people who dont like u jelous of u nd y wont they be jelous of u nd wont they aaahhhha buy ???????????????????? o nd u r the king in my world?

Director's Cut! - 2-22-2011 6:30 PM
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Don't forget the Director's Cut, being released 14 days later! Bwaaahaaaahaaahaaaa...Bieber is the anti-Christ! I take that back, he is Canadian, so he is OK.

Liz - 2-24-2011 10:49 PM
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He reminds me of Donny Osmond growing up with the hair. Do not know if he will have a future career like Justin Timberlake. We will see what his career will become when he is in his 20s.

little julie <3 - 3-31-2011 6:28 PM
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i love <3 u justin!!!!!! i cry 2 hours every nite 4 u i would do anything 4 u i saw this movie 7 timez i like other singerz but u i love more than any 1!!!!!<3

carly - 2-10-2012 1:12 AM
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hi i love ya so much love your movie omg lol you rock

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