Who's In It: Justin Bieber, Usher, Miley Cyrus, Boyz II Men, Jaden Smith, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg
The Basics: In case you've been busy ignoring popular culture, this is that movie about the kid with the hair who sings. It's 50% concert film and 50% hagiographic promotional video and 0% documentary. But that doesn't mean it's not a reasonably interesting look at how the ridiculously busted music industry functions and how an army of true-believer tween girls can build an artist out of manic tears, glittery homemade posters and eardrum puncturing squeals. That is, at least until they go to college or move on to the next sparkly singing sensation. Ask David Cassidy all the questions you want about this sort of thing. He'll tell you.
What's The Deal: Since this film is review-proof and my watching it and writing about it is next to pointless, I'll just tell you about the parts I liked best. 1) The way that when anyone on Bieber's payroll wants to defy his authority or punish him for perceived brattiness, they simply hoist him up on their shoulders and carry him around while he flails. That's great. 2) Watching him eat donuts from the garbage and failing to obey his Grandma when she tells him to clean up his room. 3) When he shows off his Grandfather's small collection of wild animal taxidermy. 4) Snoop instructing him to grow pigtails and attach little plastic knobby testicle-looking things to the end of them, reasons unknown. 5) The bit in his show when they pull up one hysterically sobbing girl from the audience, place her on a pedestal on stage and present her with roses while JB sings "Lonely Girl" to her. Eventually you know this practice will stop after the first lawsuit over an 11 year-old going into cardiac arrest, but for now it's actually kind of adorable.
Most Seriousest Amount of Tension On Display: Will his hoarse, throat infection-saddled voice be ready in time for his debut at Madison Square Garden? Answer: of course. And if you've seen last year's extremely weird (and more intimately entertaining) Celine Dion documentary, it will remind you of the entire sequence of that film devoted to Celine's throat-care regimen. Watching Bieber resist his voice coach's pleading, you'll find yourself hoping that, as a fellow Canadian, CD will offer a personalized training course to JB on proper room temperature, precise humidity levels, strict vocal rest and its attendant hand-written signs silently barking demands at staff.
If You're Not Already a Fan Will It Make You Like His Music? No.