Dave's Rating:

0.5

I won't go with it. You can't make me.

Who's In It: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, Brooklyn Decker, Bailee Madison, Nick Swardson, Dave Matthews

The Basics: Sandler is a plastic surgeon who pretends to be married so that the women he meets won't get attached to him. This backfires when he meets a woman he falls for (former model Brooklyn Decker), so he bribes his assistant (Aniston) and her children into playing along as his fake soon-to-be ex-wife and estranged kids. For some reason Nick Swardson is also along for the ride as a German sheep rancher. So is Nicole Kidman ("Look, everyone! I'm a good sport about Botox!") So is Dave Matthews, who, in the film's emotional climax, picks up a coconut off the ground with his buttcheeks.

What's The Deal: You know you've seen something truly damaging when your head keeps spinning with flashes of Pizza Hut and Pepsi product placement, Heidi Montag cameos, fake "serious" sentimentality and tender soliloquies about the gleaming sunburst that is Jennifer Aniston's smile, insultingly inept and childlike behavior on the part of every single non-white and/or non-heterosexual person to get screen time, scenes that might have originally scripted but that play out on camera in a bizarrely stumbling improvisational way until all the go-nowhere dialogue just trails off and there's a second of silence before Sandler says, "Well... anyway..." It's the kind of movie that makes you wonder why anyone decided it was good enough to show to the public, the kind that makes you want to repeatedly hit yourself in the face with a hammer. You'd have more fun doing that, too.

Give Me Cheap Vulgarity Or Give Me Death: If you take away the random anomalies of Sandler's film career (Reign Over Me, Punch Drunk Love, Funny People) you're left with early idiot Sandler and current sometimes-idiot-sometimes-boring Sandler. It's as though he can't can't decide if he wants to make movies about poop and scrotum-crushing accidents or if he wants to make movies where he's a convincing romantic lead. I'd like it better if he stuck with full-tilt idiot. Because believe it or not, this whole thing only comes alive when children are being shoved face-first into mud and/or defecating on Nick Swardson's hand, when Sandler is getting smashed in the balls or pushing Aniston to the floor, when lopsided boob-implant ladies walk into a scene, sheep are being wrestled or Nicole Kidman is extolling the virtues of Dave Matthews's "taffy nipples." That's the only reliable Adam Sandler bus to ride on. He should just stick to driving it.

Sting + Sting + More Sting = STING! Someone in charge of this movie loved Sting so much that they turned every spare moment without dialogue into a kind of aural fan-fictiony tribute to him. Vintage Police songs, Sting's tantric solo mewlings, even Sting-based mash-ups and remixes of hip hop songs. It's wall-to-wall Sting. Sure hope you love Sting a lot, too, or you're doomed to 116 minutes of the soundtrack to male menopause.

Regarding Jennifer: She's got next to nothing to do except show off her rockin' 40 year-old bikini bod. It's a plot point.

Share
RSS RSS

Comments (35)

Jon - 2-11-2011 9:52 PM
Flag This Comment

Always give the comedy movies bad reviews what a joke

Aditya Simha - 2-12-2011 2:10 AM
Flag This Comment

Oh gosh! This movie is ditto like an Indian movie from 2005. I always thought that one was copied from some other movie, so this one might be a copy of a copy! The Indian movie details are presented below: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maine_Pyaar_Kyun_Kiya%3F

Robert - 2-12-2011 12:22 PM
Flag This Comment

the average American moviegoer is a complete idiot. Of COURSE you guys liked it. Of course. Hope he farted enough for you.

ssj5_nick - 2-12-2011 2:46 PM
Flag This Comment

He doesn't give comedy movies bad reviews. He gives bad comedy movies bad reviews. For Christ's sake, one of the movie's tag lines is "From the producers of Grown-Ups". Do you need another reason not to see another train-wreck from Adam Sandler?

Pete - 2-12-2011 7:38 PM
Flag This Comment

Unless you live under a rock, you know who Adam Sandler is. I can see why you idiots are upset by this movie, given that the majority of his work are all........ academy... award..winners? Hey wait a second! Silly, light hearted, stupid, fun, and childish. Hmm there seems to be an on-going trend here in his body of work..............think about it.

Wayne - 2-13-2011 8:24 AM
Flag This Comment

I saw this movie last night and like the other person said...I could not stop laughing nor the sold out theatre I was in. Those commenting that you did not like it and another one of Adam Sandler's movies, my question is did you actually see the movie...if not the what are you doing even commenting on this page. Do you not have a life? My guess there is no and it is probably so bad that you sit around with a cocunut up your ass.

Brandon - 2-13-2011 3:30 PM
Flag This Comment

If you don't like his reviews, don't come back and read them. You're not being forced.

N - 2-13-2011 11:13 PM
Flag This Comment

All of y'all take criticism of things you like too seriously. If you disagree with Dave then there really isn't any need for name calling. I expect this kinda behavior from my 4 yr old, not from grown adults. I personally like Dave's reviews, because I like my movie critics with a dash of snark. But I also have enough wisdom to know that my taste in movies might differ from his, so while I like his insights I never let them impede my own judgement. Maybe y'all should try it out. :) On another (more relevant) note, I think Adam Sandler is a pretty shoddy actor. And Jennifer Aniston isn't one of my favorites either, although I did enjoy the heck out of 'Along Came Polly'. :D So I'm definitely not gonna see this movie. uh-uh, no way, jo

bob jesmer - 2-14-2011 12:05 PM
Flag This Comment

wanna see it so bad going with everybody else good movie

unknown - 2-14-2011 12:34 PM
Flag This Comment

Dave you are definitely an IDIOT. Get a real job!!

Maurice Bettis - 2-14-2011 4:06 PM
Flag This Comment

Dave...I don't know how you would remotely rate this movie as low as you did. It had great on screen chemistry, it had a a good story line. It was filled with comedy and a good love story. Had a great great ending and it was clearly at least 4 stars. You rated No Strings attached as a good movie? You definitely are kidding buddy...now that should have been rated a 1/2 star.

Brian - 2-14-2011 4:27 PM
Flag This Comment

I actually really enjoy Sandler's early movies (Happy Gimore, Billy Madison), but this movie was made for complete idiots. I can safely say that anyone who thought this was a "good" movie has a mind of a ten year old. Quit bashing "critics" b/c you can't understand why they make fun of your awful taste in movies. Go back to watching "Furry Vengeance" you fat losers.

katie - 2-14-2011 6:14 PM
Flag This Comment

i sat and watched this movie in a sold out theatre and like the others thought the movie was hilarious. so to all you smuckbags..if you did not see the movie then shut up! To dave your critic sucks...get a life!!!

ssj5_nick - 2-14-2011 10:05 PM
Flag This Comment

The idea of a man who lies to get chicks and the creates a fake family to get a chick is supposed to be insult to those who think. What if Sandler and Decker get married in the movie? What about when he is 60 and she's 40? "Honey, are the kids coming for Christmas this year?" "Uh, yeah ... about the kids..." At least this movie is nice enough to tell you why you should stay away before you ever step foot in a theater.

Sean Shackelford - 2-14-2011 10:22 PM
Flag This Comment

Boohoo, Dave didn't like a lame movie. The entire plot was explained in the preview, that should tell us something. Some of us want jokes that require some degree of thinking on our part. I didn't like his review of Rambo, but I won't take it personally and bash him because of it. His record is still a hell of a lot better than any other critic.

Bulli - 2-15-2011 5:42 PM
Flag This Comment

@ katie - you are stupid and like bad movies. I feel bad for your future children.

Bill - 2-16-2011 9:19 AM
Flag This Comment

I laughed and just enjoyed the ride. Those who gave a bad review should find a depressing book to read and take a laxative.

Ken - 2-16-2011 4:10 PM
Flag This Comment

I knew I would like this movie because they gave it a very low rating. However, I not only liked it but considered a top 10 of all time (and I'm 55 years old)!!!!! Great Movie. Please go see it and you'll enjoy it!

James - 2-16-2011 11:10 PM
Flag This Comment

Just saw this movie and would go see it again. It is by far in a class with all his biggest hits. Like waterboy etc. GREAT MOVIE. I lost my breath laughing sooooooo hard. GREAT story I never knew Jen was sooo pretty. I liked her and nicole. Awesome movie a must see.. This critic is an overall idiot and it has gotten to the point now that if he hates it I will go see it.. He this critic, is just that bad..

move - 2-17-2011 12:41 AM
Flag This Comment

hhahahah saw this show tonight ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Bullio - 2-17-2011 1:28 PM
Flag This Comment

Really terrible film that dumb people seem to enjoy. Nothing like early Adam Sandler and is instead some sappy, horrendous story.

Georgia Wilkerson - 2-19-2011 2:11 PM
Flag This Comment

A message to Spike: Leave your expletives in your mouth, not on a public website! Look in the mirror if you want to see a real IDIOT! People who have to explain themselves with profanity have a very low vocabulary!

Spike - 2-20-2011 11:46 AM
Flag This Comment

Georgia - shut your cakehole. This is a site for opinions.....deal with it. And perhaps you can look in a mirror - if you think you can do it without cracking it like you did last time! STFU.

Vida - 2-22-2011 12:09 AM
Flag This Comment

For those who are thinking about seeing it, SEE IT! Do not listen to this critics. It was honestly the best movie, i had to go see it twice. Soooo amazing! :)

50 year old couple - 2-22-2011 10:03 AM
Flag This Comment

We saw the movie yesterday and LAUGHED and LAUGHED. Highly recommended if you want to laugh unexpectedly.

Jason - 2-23-2011 2:55 AM
Flag This Comment

I find Dave's reviews to be spot-on. I've read his reviews long enough to know where we'll disagree, but understand why he is 'criticial' of a movie. The way some of these reviews are written, sounds like people are being paid to write the review, "when I went to the sold out theatre" and "OMG, I laughed until I cried"...sounds like shills for the movie.

Tammy - 2-25-2011 2:48 PM
Flag This Comment

Haven't seen the movie yet but was wanting to read some of the reviews to see what I thought. Sad that instead of people writing what they think about the movie they are bashing eachother. And spike...grow up there is no reason for someone to use that kind of language.

nate - 2-25-2011 4:13 PM
Flag This Comment

Old Country Buffet is awesome. How dare you sir!

Misty - 2-26-2011 7:39 PM
Flag This Comment

I can be a harsh critic at times but when I know i'm going to an Adam Sandler flick, i prepare myself for some stupid funny humor and scenes that are unrealistic but that's the point. This movie had good acting, with fun characters and good chemistry between the actors and some hilarious parts. I haven't laughed out loud in a long time and i caught myself laughing 4-5 times. I haven't laughed at other adam sandler movies so this one is unique to me. I will see it again. Hope that helps those of you who haven't seen it. Maybe go to a matinee so it's a win win.

tyler - 2-28-2011 8:24 AM
Flag This Comment

the movie was great, i saw it a few nights ago, and i couldnt stop laughing, people now a days are so up tight and boring they dont open up to anything anymore, there a buntch of robots. great movie, a must see

Marty - 3-15-2011 10:49 PM
Flag This Comment

This movie was great!! I agree with the people that believe the critics are just uptight. My husband and I watched this film together and we could not stop laughing!!

pedro rodriges - 4-02-2011 7:17 PM
Flag This Comment

dave ur ignorant u watch to much movies and i know u love the movie precious cause your a FAT ASS !!!!!!! pig yyyyyyyyehaaaahahhhh bbbuuuuddddddddyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Khrys - 4-07-2011 12:29 AM
Flag This Comment

This was a great movie, I could not stop laughing.

Europecall - 6-23-2011 10:48 AM
Flag This Comment

this is so predictable, most unfunny movie I`ve seen recently with all the stuff a bad movie should have > lots of really stupid talking, shouting, screaming, couldnt wait it will finish.. but yeah, some audience will like it.. but they were mentioned already before..

Lyndsey White - 9-19-2014 8:49 PM
Flag This Comment

I seriously doubt you would hit yourself in the face with a hammer! At least they are making a life for themselves and doing something they enjoy. That's more than i can say for you. All you do is criticize films when more than half the people that watch them actually enjoy them! And they like the actors too!

Leave a Comment

Advertisement

Dave's recent reviews

All Dave White's Movie Reviews