Who's In It: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody, J.K. Simmons
The Basics: There's a line in Heathers where Winona Ryder says to Shannon Doherty, "Why are you such a mega-bitch?" and Doherty says, "Because I can be." And that's the reason Jennifer, after being ritually sacrificed by a band of indie rock Satanists and turned into a succubus, goes on an all-male-victim killing/cannibalism spree. Just because she feels like it. And it's not like any other guy in the movie is so bad. In fact, they all seem pretty intimated by her already. So any I Spit On Your Grave comparisons won't get much traction here. Mostly, much like the hulking monsters in other horror films who spend their time chasing down teen girl after teen girl, Jennifer's appetite is arbitrary, focused on punishment for the crime of being not like her. So that makes it fair, right?
What's The Deal: I wished a lot of things while watching this movie. I wished for it to be punchier, to move faster, to be funnier, to be scarier, to be bloodier. I'm a Diablo Cody fan. I liked Juno. I'm not part of any backlash. Her tweets are funny. And I'm generally on board for her highly stylized, aspirational teen-slang, even when it seems to be tripping up this particular group of actors. But it all felt muted, especially after a marketing that more or less promised the megabitchinest murder-vixen ever, with its "HELL YES!!!" posters and blood-stained, Megan Fox viscera-eating grin everywhere. Before I walked into the theater, the movie in my mind was already cranked up to 11. The real volume hovers around a 6.
Who Sells It Hard: Megan Fox, who's already been famously quoted as having something of a "Spearmint Rhino" sensibility, knows what her strengths are. So she unleashes them full-throttle. Which is why when she's stabbed in the chest, it's not her heart she's thinking about. Instead she cries, "My tit!" and it's delivered with a wink. Eventually she'll wind up in some really serious role and get an Oscar nomination. Or else she'll be on a nighttime soap. Either way she's not going anywhere.
MVP: J.K. Simmons (he was the dad in Juno) as the extremely earnest teacher who revels in the tragic circumstances and aftermath of mass teen death, gets none of the trademark Cody-isms to say but winds up with all the funniest lines.
Attention All Lesbians And Straight Guys Who're Into This Kind Of Thing: There's a weirdly disembodied lips-filling-the-screen makeout moment between Fox and Seyfried that must have been really difficult to light. You'll either find it smoking hot or freakishly clinical.