Dave's Rating:

1.0

Even your kids will be bored.

Who's In It: The voices of Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, Simon Pegg, John Leguizamo

The Basics: The wooly mammoths are having a baby and picking out nursery colors. A dinosaur is having some babies too, but the male sloth wants to be their mommy instead. The sabertooth tiger just tested for low testosterone and chronic fatigue syndrome. Then they go down into a tropical underworld that exists beneath the ice. (Huh?) And then a lot of nothing happens for about a billion years or so. I kept waiting for the meteor to come and wipe them all off the planet.

What's The Deal: There are Happy Meal toys at McDonald's for this one already. I know this because every so often I feel compelled to drive through and just get a large order of fries. And there they are on a big sign by the speaker where you place your order. The toys look like a lot of fun, too. If you're five you could get your parents to buy you a bag of ice, dump it in the backyard and bam, it's an instant $2 play set for all of your extinct plastic pals. And you'll probably invent better adventures for them than this movie did. It's kid-entertainment-by-committee, the kind that allowed the animators to get creative with new digital 3D technology (though there's no good reason for the movie to be in 3D in the first place) but that was made without any thought or feeling for characters that were never interesting in the first place.

What's Good About It: Skrat. This time the silent, skittering true star of this series has a female love interest/competitor for that elusive nut. Every time they're on screen it all suddenly comes alive and becomes the nearest link children will have to a Buster Keaton comedy. If they'd just make a movie about that guy they'd save a lot of money on Ray Romano and Queen Latifah's salaries. Oh yeah, and honorable mention for the three dinosaur babies. Your kids will like them best of all.

Will Make Adult Audiences Nostalgic For: All of The Land Before Time movies. In a row. With a little Ferngully on top. Meanwhile you just know that someone is cooking up part four with a greenlight meeting scheduled for the Monday following this film's opening, contingent on continued box-office domination. And humans are going to show up in that one, just wait and see. Then it'll be a Creationist science documentary.

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Comments (2)

Chloe - 7-25-2012 6:24 PM
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Ellie was NOT pregnant. At the end of the movie, she ADOPTED Peaches and brought her back with them. That's the REAL truth.

aanya bosu - 9-29-2013 4:32 AM
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i am a kid so i know it well and i already seen this.

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