Dave's Rating:


… the new synonym for effing-boring.

Who's in It: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Daniella Alonso, Jacob Vargas

The Basics: The gross post-nuclear mutants who are also hideously inbred are still alive and reproducing and murdering everyone they can get their hands on. They can't bathe themselves, but they can take you out all superfast and silently. So this time, they set their sights on a group of military recruits on a training exercise and pick them off one by one. But you knew that. And that's the problem.

What's the Deal? Because a new splattery horror movie comes out every week these days, the formula is wearing thin. You know exactly how much gore you're going to get from an R-rating now. They push it to the limit without really showing you a lot. It's quick cuts and suggestion. If they really want to amp it up, they throw in a little torture. This one attempts to "distinguish" itself with a mutant rape and a really disgusting childbirth/murder scene that opens the movie. But the sufficient gore and violence can't make it scary or even suspenseful.

I Am Not Supposed to Be Bored by Vicious Mutants Who Kill for Sport: I'm supposed to be delighted by the blood feast. I should not be thinking about writing to the people who put out Roget's Thesaurus and informing them that The Hills Have Eyes 2 is the new synonym for effing-boring.

Movie It Steals From the Most: The Descent. These mutants live in the radioactive caves of a New Mexico nuclear test site, so down the soldiers go into the dark holes. But unlike Descent, there's no sense of panicky claustrophobia. In fact, with the presence of the one mutant you're supposed to like and feel sorry for, it feels more like The Goonies at times.

Even Though It Mostly Sucks, You Can Still Read It as Political: How else do you interpret a film about a group of American soldiers going somewhere they're not welcome and being attacked by an enemy they can't see? They're even shown, pre-killings, on a practice mission in a fake Afghanistan, complete with fake suicide bombers.

What to Call the Next One: The Hills Have All the Luck in Eyeing and Killing Entire Groups of People Who Are Never Missed in the Outside World, Otherwise They'd Have Been Caught by Now.


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