Who's in It: Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Clancy Brown, Sela Ward
The Basics: Brash and cocky yet troubled young Coast Guard recruit has to learn the hard way — from a brash and cocky yet troubled veteran — the true meaning of service and heroism. So if you've seen Top Gun or Officer and a Gentleman, then it means you've seen this one, too. It also means that you're old. That's why they put Costner in it. To lure you back. He's old, too.
What's the Deal? This is a 9/11 movie. Not overtly, obviously, but it is. It's about rescue workers and how you can count on them to save you and not let go when crunch time comes and you're about to drown. And if the polls are true and the national mood is as chaotic and distressed as they say, then this ought to make a ton of money. And I suppose it deserves to. It's not a bad movie, it's just obvious.
What's Good About It: The ocean-rescue scenes are exciting, and the effects are pretty spectacular. Things explode, people drown, Costner yells. The whole movie could have been that, and it would have been all right. And Costner is aging well into the "older guy" part. And they didn't give him a 23-year-old love interest, which was nice. They got similarly aging Ward instead.
What's Not: All the boring training bits with Kutcher, who needs a very specific type of movie to showcase his talents. And that movie is Dude, Where's My Car?. However, it is fun to watch him get broken down and whipped into shape. In my celebrity fantasy life, Demi Moore was a paid consultant.
Negotiations I Wish I Could Have Spied On: The phone call when someone said, "Hey, Kevin Costner, want to make another large-scale water movie?"