Who's in It: The Rock, Xzibit, L. Scott Caldwell
The Basics: Teen thugs get taught life lessons in juvie by The Rock and Xzibit. The Rock shows them how to do a fakey chokehold and dramatic pinning move for both cameras at once and Xzibit helps them brush up on their rhymes. OK, actually, they just teach them how to play football and win, win, win. But my version would have been more fun.
What's the Deal? How bad is your luck that you get to high-school prison and they've got a pro wrestler waiting there to kick your butt? You watch this movie and you almost feel sorry for the kids because they're all doomed to being redeemed from their exciting future lives of crime. What would John Waters have to say about this?
Based on the Film of the Same Name: It was a TV documentary in the 1990s first. So it demanded to be remade as lame melodrama.
Better Films With the Same Uplifting Moments, More or Less: Miracle, The Rookie, Invincible, Glory Road. Yes, all of them Disney. They just have the formula down better.
How Many Movies You Should Have Seen Before in Your Life in Order to Fully Enjoy This One: Two. Maybe three. None of them sports-related. That way all the worn-out, broken-down clichés of this one will seem fresh and new. One of them could be Zoolander.