Who's In It: James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Ashley Jensen, Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osbourne, Hulk Hogan
The Basics: Exactly what it sounds like, Gnomeo & Juliet retells the Bards' classic tale of star-crossed love--except it uses garden gnomes, lawnmowers, and cement bunnies to bring the point home. In this case it's red hats vs. blue hats (Joan Rivers tried to explain to me that accessories can cause rifts like this, I should have listened). Elton John is executive producer on this one and it shows--they've packed in plenty of his songs for the lawn decorations to dance to, then they remix them and everyone dances again.
What's The Deal: When in doubt, listen to the kids talking around you. 15 minutes in the little girl behind me said, "Mommy I'm tired, what is that guy doing?" The answer, oh precious one, is nothing important. Once I got past the novelty of ceramics talking, sunbathing, and online shopping, I was done with this movie. Everything falls flat, including but not limited to the 3 dance scenes that were only marginally adorable. They failed to create any compelling characters that I was rooting for and the 3D was pointless, so I was forced to focus on how cute cement bunnies are. I bet young kids won't hate it--especially if you give them a white cherry Icee like I had, which really elevated the whole experience.
Eco-Friendly Script: It recycles so many jokes and scenarios, it's carbon footprint must be next to zero. It's got a Borat swimsuit, the opening of Up, Hank Azaria's character from The Bird Cage as a flamingo, and Braveheart war paint on the bunnies I have already mentioned twice.
Here's What Worked: Hulk Hogan & Dolly Parton's cameos were cute, and lawn paraphernalia freezing in position when humans were around made me giggle more than once. Also, a talking Shakespeare statue voiced by Patrick Stewart was captivating. Last but certainly not least, every time the gnomes touched each other, they made a little "tink" noise. Sometimes it's the little things.