Dave White
Georgia Rule Review

Dave's Rating:

0.0

… one of the worst movies …

Who's in It: Jane Fonda, Lindsay Lohan, Felicity Huffman, Dermot Mulroney, Cary Elwes, Garrett Hedlund, Hector Elizondo, Laurie Metcalf

The Basics: Lohan is a mouthy, sexually brazen kitten-with-a-whip (yes, she knew the cameras were rolling) sent by her drunken mother (Huffman) to live with her strict grandmother (Fonda) for the summer in an idyllic Idaho town where everyone is kind and true. It's there that the three of them eventually learn the true meaning of family and the mother-daughter bond. Sounds adorable, right? Something to take Mom to on Mother's Day?

What's the Deal? Well, think again, suckers. This is one of the worst movies I've seen all year. And it's from Garry Marshall, a man who never saw a heartbreaking scene of melodrama (in this, we learn of Lindsay's dark secret … ) that he didn't want to add a fart joke to and whose idea of human interaction is people turning water hoses on each other and insane screaming meltdowns. So what you get is a movie about family with no regard for how families operate and three women whose emotional lives most resemble the Three Stooges.

California! The Land of Fruits and Nuts! Someone actually says that without irony. And naturally, the most selfish and meanly dysfunctional characters here are from San Francisco. Idaho, however, comes off as the whitest, happiest, cleanest morals-rich oasis of healing calm on the planet. In real life, of course, countless numbers of people have to escape with their lives from small middle-American towns like that for places like San Francisco. But this isn't a documentary.

Art Imitating Life: Happens when Lohan decides to seduce the town's lone studly-yet-virginal Mormon/farmer boy/Hollister model. She laughs at him when he says he's only seen pictures of lady parts in magazines. If this were real life, it would be Lohan's parts he'd seen.

Refreshing Your Memory: This is the film that was the source of that producer's open letter/memo to L.L. excoriating her for her unprofessional behavior and general awfulness, the one that ended up all over the internet. But if you see this movie, you might think she was just being Method about her role when the cameras shut down for the day.

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