Who's in It:
Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland, Ewen Bremner, Alexis Dziena, Ray Winstone
The Basics: If only these basics were basic enough to explain in a couple of sentences. But there's, like, 27 things going on. Essentially, McConaughey (still shirt-phobic, still the chief purveyor of his now-patented "J.K. Livin'" way of being) and Hudson are bickering lovers on a treasure hunt that also involves an Eastern-European sidekick, a superrich guy on a yacht, his Paris Hilton-like daughter, a rival treasure hunter, an evildoing rapper/crime lord, that rapper/crime lord's bumbling assistants (one of whom is grown-up Theo from The Cosby Show gone rasta) and a pair of gay chefs.
What's the Deal? What I liked about this monumentally dumb film is how willing the filmmakers were to include every single idea they had, even if they only touch on that idea once. If a movie could be described as having Tourette's syndrome, this is the one. Is it a romantic comedy? An adventure? Stupidly convoluted? Is there a plotline in here about how the rich guy and his daughter need to learn how to love one another? Do lots of people get murdered? Are there funny accents? Multiple concussions? Secret chambers stocked with clue-containing manuscripts? Hudson making sure that everyone else in the cast knows that McConaughey is a pile-driving sex machine, whether they asked or not? Yes, yes and more yes.
McConaughey's Favorite Part: When, for an entire shot, all that happens is M.M. reclining and stretching out to relax for a bit, and the camera slowly glides along his ripped torso, and the light hits it just so. And that's it. Nothing else happens in the shot. So weird. But I want to know if when he sees that sort of thing on a big screen, is that like porn to him? Because it actually evoked laughter in the theater.
My Favorite Parts: Every time Hudson clocks McConaughey in the head with a rock or shovel or cane. I was also a fan of the interminable explanation scene where everyone sits around on jillionaire Sutherland's yacht and explains the complicated and boring history of the treasure they're all hunting. The camera jumps frantically from talking actor to talking actor, and every person onscreen does that thing where they go, "But here's where it all gets wild, see
" except none of it is wild. Or makes any sense.