Who's in It: Julianne Nicholson, Justin Kirk, Rebecca Schull, Jamie Harrold, Chelsea Altman, Michelle Federer
The Basics: A really boring couple (Nicholson of Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Kirk of Weeds) show you every single moment of their unremarkable meeting, courtship, humping, engagement, wedding, baby "talks," fighting, separation and divorce. Really. Every single moment. In fact, this is the longest movie ever made. It's several years long, and you have to go live in the theater to see how it ends. OK, it's simply 124 minutes. But it feels like years.
What's the Deal? I've sung the praises of movies where nothing happens. I like those kinds of movies. But just because nothing happens in a movie doesn't mean it's not about something. Well, this is a movie that's about nothing. It's not supposed to be about nothing. It just turns out that way. It hasn't a single insightful thing about relationships, except that sometimes they don't work.
Indie Doesn't Have to Equal Cheap and Awkward: There's a wedding scene where the 35-cent budget is really on display. It's a tent reception moment where there are literally no decorations and empty plates on the tables. People are drinking champagne and just sitting around, eating imaginary invisible food. Like you're supposed to be so enthralled by the lifeless dialogue that you don't notice the complete lack of set design.
There Is, However, Full-Frontal Nudity: Let's say you're a freaky, crushed-out fan of either Nicholson or Kirk. In this movie, you will see every square inch of both of them. This movie will be used as evidence in the restraining order process when you eventually have your day in court for stalking them.
Where You've Seen the Guy Who Plays Justin Kirk's Brother: His name is Jamie Harrold, and he was the helpful water clerk guy in Erin Brockovich. Just in case you end up seeing this movie and his face nags at you. That's why it's nagging at you.