Dave White
Faster Review

Dave's Rating:

1.5

Nowhere fast enough.

Who's In It: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Billy Bob Thornton, Carla Gugino, Maggie Grace, Oliver Jackson-Cohen

The Basics: They shot his brother dead. So, like he hisses in the trailer, "I'm going to kill all of you!" And by "he" I mean "Driver." That's all The Rock is called in this movie. Other people are called "Cop" and "Killer." Except when they're not. Sometimes the movie gives them names like "Marina" and "Cicero." And why does the movie do that? Who cares, that's why. You think you're so fancy you get to ask questions about logic and how come things are happening the way they do? Just shut up and eat candy and watch The Rock shoot some guys in the face. Why bother caring about anything that does or does not happen in a movie where the title brags about how fast it is but then sort of galumphs along doing not much but gun-blasting each person on "Driver's" hit list. Oh yeah, and you know how he knows it's his hit list? Because it says, "LIST OF NAMES AND LAST KNOWN ADDRESSES" on top of the paper. So sure, go ahead and spend $10 watching it. You won't miss that money at all.

What's The Deal: A key element in the structure of true "camp" occurs when the cultural artifact takes itself very seriously and still provokes laughter. Burlesque or Priscilla, Queen of the Desert are not campy films. They're excessive and they take themselves at face value, but bright colors and lady divas/drag queens don't make something campy. But in the opening moments, when Johnson is released from 10 years in prison and it's all he can do not to snarl and bark at his former residence's guards as he literally runs down a dirt road outside the facility, it's badass-dude drag. And if you're not chuckling then you're not paying attention.

The Up Side And The Down Side: Johnson's character is pure. All he does is kill, grunt and stare angrily. There's very little for him to do or say beyond taking care of his revenge agenda. After a while you start to appreciate that, especially when the movie suddenly decides it wants to get more complicated for no good reason. Especially-especially when it attempts to halfheartedly shoehorn in a trite moral about the darkness inherent in revenge. There are a lot of good examples of films that explore the deeper conflict and hypocrisies surrounding the brutality of getting even and the toll it takes on the soul/psyche of the vengeful person. This ain't one of those movies.

What I Found Myself Paying The Most Attention To: Johnson's sweet vintage Pontiac GTO. It should have been in every scene, possibly talking, maybe playing conscience to Johnson's rage-faced gunman. Anything to divert attention from the dull murder-by-checklist action taking place on screen.

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Comments (15)

orlin - 11-29-2010 4:13 PM
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i wish that i can watch the movie of faster

Jeremiah - 11-29-2010 8:46 PM
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Haha - you're an idiot. Criticizing a reviewer's physical appearance takes away any and all merit you may have had in the first place. You didn't offer any particular criticisms of his review, nor did you offer any reasons why you thought the movie was good. So please, work to get your IQ above 80, or just shut the hell up.

Mckylin - 11-29-2010 11:36 PM
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So this comment thing seems like it doesn't really serve a purpose

Juan - 11-30-2010 12:03 PM
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You guys dont know the diffrence between good n bad movies, this movie is awesome

someguy - 11-30-2010 12:44 PM
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@Jeremiah Um...first, criticizing someone's appearance does not actually invalidate anything. It may be a rude or innappropriate thing to do, but saying someone is bald doesn't actually make the comment itself false. Thats...not how logic works. Second...You then go on to do the same thing you criticize the first guy for. You call names and insult his IQ. So...by your logic doesn't that invalidate your comment? ( I mean, your comment was already wrong, but still. ) FINALLY...the concept of working to "get your IQ above 80" implies an inherent misunderstanding of IQ. IQ is Intelligence QUOTIENT, a "potential" intelligence. It's not a "smartness level," it's more of a numerical measure of the potential intelligence of a person

haha - 11-30-2010 7:20 PM
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hahe I knew I had to come back, hahhe it's because of retards like you Jeremiah and this dumb movie critic that gives good movies a bad name, unlike you, I actually saw the movie and was looking forward to this movie, again why o why do they let retarded movie critics bash a good movie (all the while the actions of it was good) and they give movies like those stupid singing movies good rating (all the while falling asleep only to wake up in the end and applaud it to no avail is beyond me) how could a movie that can base on someone getting screwed over by cops (yet again)than serving a 10 year sentence with only revenge on their mind not good? Wouldn't you have revenge on your mind too? the other user made u sound stupid huh? But than again?

haha - 11-30-2010 7:28 PM
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@Jeremiah!! since you claim to have a higher IQ (claim is the key word Einstein) put it in this theory, we all know politics is corrupted, we all know cops are corrupted, if a cop blasted your brother or someone you love and get away with it all in the while lock your sorry A$$ up for lets say 10 years, wouldn't you do plot to get back at who screwed you over? (In this case the rocks brothers gf) yeah the rocks character was bad since he did help his brother rob the bank (the driver who can freaking drive just about anything) bad people do bad thing but all can be forgiven at least that's the moral of the tale, it's the person choices that can either bring them down or make them a better person, Watch the movie dumba$$ instead of agreeing

haha - 11-30-2010 7:33 PM
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the movie critics for no apparent reasons, tell me something Einstein, why is it that the movie fans don't get to vote for the movies that are good instead of letting loser critics who are unfair vote for them? Isn't it biased and unfair for them to do that in the first place? Maybe if you stop being so retarded Jeremiah, than maybe you know where I am coming from, it's time to stick your head out of your (maybe even theirs) A$$! watch a movie because you think that movie is good and just watch it, instead of haven't even seeing it and bashing it already! The movie faster was an awesome movie, let alone they threw in a assassin to try to kill the rocks character but couldn't made it a even better movie! this is a revenge movie ur IQ queenes

not haha - 11-30-2010 9:36 PM
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really @haha?! REALLY?! Is Dwayne Johnson your all-time BFF? (You aren't obligated to read these reviews) Anyway, great review Dave!

Jeremiah - 12-01-2010 3:03 AM
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Firstly, I did see the movie, and I did enjoy it. I don't agree with Dave's review either, but it's his opinion. He consistently writes reviews that I enjoy reading, even if my opinion on the movie is different. And someguy - And it doesn't make the comment false, but when one wastes all of their breath on bashing how someone looks, then it probably means everything else they said was equally stupid, as it was in this case. Second, you're actually right on that one, but my comment was on his intelligence, something he can be held accountable for. And lastly, a person can raise their IQ, it's a measure of reasoning and logical ability, which can be done through some decent mental training. Which I'd recommend you go through as well.

Mel - 12-07-2010 10:02 AM
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Dave -- I would ABSOLUTELY see a movie about a jiminy cricket GTO. Someone should make one. I love reading your reviews; they crack me up each and every time (whether I agree w/ you or not).

Movie Buff - 12-08-2010 3:57 PM
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I agree, this movie just felt like one anti-climactic moment after the other.

louie - 3-11-2011 12:25 PM
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It was a Chevy Chevelle SS , not a GTO .This movie was a whole lot better than any Twighlight movie could ever hope to be .

louie - 3-11-2011 12:31 PM
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The GTO was the getaway car used in the bank robbery .

karmelo - 3-11-2011 10:50 PM
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Well I always say the rock is my favorite character I am female of course. I loved this movie its nice when both me and my husband can agree on a movie to watch together and both really enjoy it.

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