Dave White
Epic Movie Review

Dave's Rating:

0.0

… piece of crap.

Who's in It: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Jayma Mays, Crispin Glover, Darrell Hammond, Carmen Electra, Fred Willard, David Carradine

The Basics: Limp-along parody of the following movies: Nacho Libre, Snakes on a Plane, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Chronicles of Narnia, X-Men: The Last Stand, Talladega Nights, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Da Vinci Code, all the Harry Potter movies and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, too. They also throw in references to Borat, Lazy Sunday, Flava Flav, Geico insurance commercials, Cribs and a lot more stuff I probably missed when I got up to go to the bathroom. Twice. I spent a long time going to the bathroom each time, too, so I could shave off minutes of having to soil my field of vision with this piece of crap. And anyone who knows how public men's rooms smell understands the sacrifice involved in that. Like, I washed my hands and dried them thoroughly before leaving each time, hoping to miss as much as possible.

What's the Deal? There was an episode of South Park once where they explained how the show Family Guy worked. Cartman discovers that a team of manatees selects color-coded balls and puts them in a big mixer. Each ball is one lame, overdone, poorly thought out pop-culture reference. Then they string the balls together to make a script. It seemed a plausible explanation for that TV show's existence. And I think they used the same manatees for this movie. There aren't really words adequate to describe the misery of watching it be as brain-meltingly unfunny as it is. It has to be the manatees.

Cashing Checks: Coolidge, Willard, Carradine, Penn, Glover. OK, everyone, really, but struggling actors need work of any sort, no matter how barfy the project. It's when someone kind of famous is involved that it seems that much more mercenary.

How Many Times I Laughed: Once. When the guy who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite made out with a beaver puppet.

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