Grae's Rating:

0.5

They were right about the "Dog" part.

Who's In It: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Peter Stormare, Taye Diggs

The Basics: Dylan Dog (Routh) is a private detective who used to handle affairs involving New Orleans' vast undead community -- vampires, werewolves, zombies, you name it. After his fiancée was murdered, he retreated to more conventional gigs. But now he's got a new case that puts him back among the things that go bump in the night, after an importer is murdered for smuggling in a valuable relic that both bloodsuckers and lycanthropes want for themselves, and if either side gets their hands on it, bloody war against humans will ensue. And if all that wasn't keeping him busy enough, his assistant Marcus (Huntington) refuses to face that fact that he's been turned into a zombie.

What's The Deal: I've never read the comic books on which this film is based, but it's clear that the Dylan Dog character is meant to be part tough-guy, part wisecracker, and part haunted romantic. Routh, for whatever capabilities he possesses as an actor, can't pull off any of them. But the miscasting of the lead is among the least of this movie's problems, since it's also horribly written (the plot would have been sent back to re-write at Scooby-Doo) and directed. Even if the whole vampires vs. werewolves thing hadn't already been done to un-death by True Blood and the Twilight and Underworld franchises, Dylan Dog would still be a crushingly dull 107 minutes.

Thanks for Bothering to Give a Performance: While Superman Returns co-stars Routh and Huntington were charming in that film (and in Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Freshman Orientation, respectively), the only Dylan Dog cast member who's any fun to watch is Taye Diggs as the mack daddy of the N'Awlins vamp set. But his periodic appearances aren't enough to resuscitate the proceedings.

How This Film Earned Half a Star: There's one fight scene involving a rope and a pulley that briefly lifts the general torpor, but as soon as that's over, it's back to snoozeville.

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