Who's In It: Sarah Jessica Parker, Hugh Grant, Sam Elliott, Mary Steenburgen, Elisabeth Moss, Wilford Brimley
The Basics: Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant are Meryl and Paul Morgan, a miserable Manhattan power couple who are separated because he cheated. One rainy night, they witness a murder and are spirited into witness protection in Nowheresville, USA (AKA Ray, Wyoming). Forced into giving up their Blackberries and wearing cowboy hats, Meryl and Paul begin to fall back in love. (Note to movie: bonding over shared yuppieness is not a good reason to get back together, at least in real life. But real life and sensible people who are not spoiled idiots are not what this movie is about.) Then, just as the Morgans are repairing their disaster of a marriage, a hit man comes to town! Also, there’s a rodeo.
What's The Deal: Looks like January came early, because Did You Hear About the Morgans? is the kind of inane romantic comedy drivel that usually gets dumped into theaters at the beginning of each year. Blame goes to writer-director Marc Lawrence (Two Weeks Notice, Music & Lyrics), who steps into the ring with the one-two punch of pedestrian direction and a lazy, obnoxious script. Morgans is so desperate for laughs, you feel awkward when jokes fall flat (which they do 99% of the time) and worse, you feel sorry for folks like Sam Elliott and Mary Steenburgen for suffering through their scenes as the town’s married sheriffs in quiet dignity. But then, we suffer enough ourselves by sitting through this movie, so I guess everybody loses.
Why I Wanted The Morgans To Either Get Divorced Or Die: Most of the film consists of Parker doing an annoyingly neurotic Carrie Bradshaw while Grant bumbles and squints his way vaguely toward something resembling charm. Together they’re the world’s most manic yuppie couple, which is excruciating enough to watch. On top of that, the film wants you to root for the philandering Paul when the cardinal rule of romantic filmmaking is, you can never root for a cheater. That he explains that his infidelity sprang from Meryl’s desire to have a baby only makes you hate him more.
Why Hugh Grant Should Really Reconsider Playing Men Who Cheat: Seeing him play a cheater only makes you think about his real life drama with Elizabeth Hurley and Divine Brown. Then again, that story was way more amusing than anything in Did You Hear About the Morgans? so at least you’ll be entertained by something while you’re trapped in the theater.
OK, So I Laughed Once: Because seeing someone spray themselves in the eyes with bear mace is funny. Especially when that person is Hugh Grant.