Dave White
Devil Review

Dave's Rating:

1.0

Satan hates toast.

Who's In It: Chris Messina, Logan Marshall-Green, Jenny O'Hara, Bojana Novakovic, Bokeem Woodbine, Geoffrey Arend, Jacob Vargas, Matt Craven, Joshua Peace, Caroline Dhavernas

The Basics: Five people stuck in an elevator. All of them have secrets. One of them has a huge secret. One of them is the guy who ate all that weed in Super Troopers. And one of them is The Devil. Because the five people are stuck, lots of other people are working hard to get them out, including a police detective with tragedy in his past and a devoutly Catholic security guard who has a kick-ass psychic hotline set up in direct communication with God, Satan, The Virgin Mary, Dracula, Mothra, Santa Claus and every other entity who knows when you've been bad or good. Naturally, he's the only character who knows everything that's going on and why. No one listens to him, though, because The Devil, see, he tricks you into not believing in him. Then he gets up in your elevator and makes it stick between floors and flashes the lights on and off.

What's The Deal: Have you ever had a wacky Sunday School teacher who filled your head with all sorts of idiosyncratic, personal-screw-loose stuff that was never in anyone's Good Book but that he or she just assumed was true because they once saw a "sign" or talked to God while they were dehydrated? That's this security guard character. Not making this up, there's a scene where a piece of toast falls jam-side-down on the floor and he interprets that to be a sign that Satan is near and according to the movie he's right. Satan makes your toast fall with the jam side on the rug. And why? To teach you a moral lesson. Now, I might have been doodling with crayons all through Sunday School, but when did Satan ever intervene in anyone's life to teach them the consequences of being bad? I thought his job was just to foment more badness and trick you into becoming the best blues guitarist alive. Meanwhile, this movie's job was to whip up a little fear and/or suspense, but it must have escaped through a crack in the elevator doors.

Other Satan Stuff You'll Learn From This Movie: The Devil always kills his last victim in front of the person the victim loves the most in order to make the survivors into cynics. Also, The Devil is a big fan of The Secret because apparently everything horrible that happens to you--stuck elevators, that wasted piece of toast--is a result of something you chose. You are responsible for the stuck elevator. That raspberry jam committed suicide because of you. Hope you're happy now.

What This Means For The Mind Of M. Night Shyamalan: Well, he only has a story/producer credit on it. He didn't write or direct. That means he can stand as close or as far away from it as he likes depending on how well it's received in the long run. Also The Last Airbender made a lot more money than they were expecting it to so he's got more annoying product up his sleeve. Coming soon.

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Comments (18)

Michael - 9-22-2010 12:32 AM
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So...what exactly is it that you don't like about the movie that made you give it a 1/5? None of your reviews ever really explains why a movie is good or bad, and this problem isn't fixed by simple witty humor. Been meaning to email you about this feeling but there's no option to do so...

Rick - 9-22-2010 12:49 AM
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Your critics are becommin very boring to read , always the same patern, not much of explanation. Had to say it.

Miranda - 9-22-2010 11:40 AM
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Honestly it kind of makes me sad that someone who gives the new piranha movie such a high rating is still able to be a movie critic! You almost always give movies that are at least somewhat decent bad reviews and movies that are plain horrible good ones. I have officially stopped going by reviews when it comes to seeing movies because they are almost always wrong! Oh well at least Jen does a little bit better of a job at this.

Lindsay - 9-22-2010 12:37 PM
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Love your reviews! Thanks for warning me off this film. I keep waiting for a good one from M Night...guess I'll keep waiting...

Fan - 9-22-2010 11:54 PM
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I hope you don't bother to read too much into the comments section of your reviews. You are the only critic I know of that does not stick to the dull, worn out formula of movie reviews. Many of these people seem too ignorant to pick up on what your saying about these films. Keep doing what you do.

Beth - 9-23-2010 3:43 PM
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Remembering to check your movie reviews is like coming home to find DVR-ed episodes of scrubs that I forgot I recorded. I don't watch scrubs often, but when I do its for hours and it always makes me laugh. I always heed your warnings and while I may see a movie you slammed, it always ends up how you predicted. I just wanted to say thank you for providing me with a hilarious guilty pleasure, your reviews are priceless... keep 'em coming.

Steve - 9-23-2010 11:10 PM
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Yeah I tend to agree with some of the other people that commented on your review of this. One of your worse or more inaccurate reviews I've read. Most of yours I like, but this one stunk and didn't really give a legitimate reason why. I thought this was one of M Night's better movies personally, but then again I'm a fan of his work. Aside from the Happening which did suck. Everyone seems to want another Sixth Sense from him. Try to recreate another Usual Suspects. Very difficult for one. He creates movies f

Steve - 9-23-2010 11:11 PM
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ar different than most Hollywood directors. He actually makes you think and creates a real intriguing atmosphere. Unlike the American, which I noticed you raved about. That movie was slow, boring, didn't explain very well who the bad guys were, and had a crappy ending. Yet you gave it 4 of 5 stars. You don't make sense. For those fans of M Night, go see this. It's one of his better stories.

Stephen - 9-24-2010 10:49 PM
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GAY!

karim - 9-26-2010 4:26 AM
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movie is good since satan

Aron - 9-27-2010 8:18 AM
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I have to agree with everyone else this is one of ur worse reviews. This movie deserve a 1/5 for a 1min scene involving toast or a related character's extraordinarily small part. I haven't been a fan of m. Night since the 6th sense and was forced to this movie. I had ridiculously low expectations, but it wasn't half bad. The story was kept short (a mere 80mins) and simple, and the twist at the end wasn't over the top, but simple and fun. This movie also didn't resort to cheap thill just for the sake of

Aron - 9-27-2010 8:21 AM
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a scream or two, but instead had some really suspenseful horror. I think m night is learning from his past mistakes and this movie should be given a chance

Mike - 9-27-2010 5:56 PM
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Satan probably made the toast fall jam-side-down because it was one of those Jesus' faces on the toast. Satan hates Jesus toast! As for your review, you must have had a bad experience as a Catholic in Sunday school class and watching this movie sent you spinning into a post-traumatic-stress flashback freak-out which prevented you from enjoying the movie or giving a positive movie review. Maybe Satan worked on making you into a jaded cynic to prevent his cover from being blown in this movie...

Taryn - 9-28-2010 3:40 PM
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...ch made me laugh by the way- it was a little silly) but didn't you not recognize the point he was making? Maybe you are running from the spiritual message this movie actually implied (despite the name of it), but I support this movie and have recommended it to many others. I personally give it at least a 3.5.

Robert - 9-29-2010 12:47 PM
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aaaaaaaand here come the religious nuts on cue.

Robert - 10-31-2010 3:35 AM
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Dave--plain and simple--screw the haters that say you need to be fired. They're ridiculous. M. Night Shymalan sucks as a director. If you think jam filled toast isn't stupid...it's a stupid plot device. Keep up the reviews!!

BC - 12-21-2010 12:08 AM
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I usually avoid reviews in general because everyone has their own opinion. In this case, I liked this movie. It kept me intrigued throughout. Obviously the movie is called DEVIL, so going in you should have known it would contain some religious parables. For me, and I think others too, the Devil represents one of the most frightening entities and symbols (Hence why the Exorcist is considered the scariest horror movie of all time). In the back of your mind, you know it could be real; it is this fear of the unknown that scares people the most.

lolcat - 3-28-2013 10:45 AM
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This review accurately represents the travesty that was Devil. The security guard's toast-dropping demonstration stood out as a low-point in a rather dismal drama. Moreover, it was a particularly "Shyamalanesque" touch that reeked of desperately far-fetched improvisation. As such, it deserved to be highlighted in a critique of the movie as a whole. Everything else about Devil was half-assed. The suicide was given so much weight in the beginning, but turned out to serve only as a validation of the ridiculous mythology spouted by the security guard. As a side note, if I worked on the 35th floor of a skyscraper, I would hope that the windows in my office weren't made of glass that could be shattered more easily than a pop bottle.

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