Who's in It: Konstantin Khabensky, Dima Martynov, Viktor Verzhbitsky
The Basics: This is the sequel to Night Watch, but don't ask me much about that one because it barely made any sense. What I remember is that there were vampires battling each other, "Light Ones" and "Dark Ones," and that it was as Matrix-y as a movie can get outside of a cease-and-desist letter. It also had subtitles that were very cool and very weirdly placed on the screen. Sometimes next to a person's head, sometimes on the wall — stuff like that. It made reading a movie fun again. This time, it's the same movie but in the daytime. I guess. Still makes no sense, but I had a really good time anyway.
What's the Deal? There's a car chase up the side of a building. That alone is almost worth buying a ticket to look at. There's also a piece of chalk that can alter the dimensions of time. Then there are all the characters yelling at each other because this is, after all, an epic battle for Russia's vampires. And the subtitles are back and being as goofy as before.
Why It Made Me Think of Moulin Rouge! Although most fans of this one probably will not have seen that one, it shares a commitment to chaos and a willingness to overdo every single thing that passes in front of the camera, and that's something I always admire. I like excess. You don't get that very often in movies, not from start-to-finish anyway, mostly because it tires out the audience and makes them walk out with headaches. That's why in real life, it's only ever five-year-olds who want the playground merry-go-round to go faster and faster.
Featuring the Pop Star You've Never Heard of Unless You're a Recent Young Russian Immigrant: Her name is Zhanna Friske and she's the one named Alisa here who helps the main guy. She's a famous singer in Russia. And there's your other Moulin Rouge! point of comparison: When Kylie Minogue pops up on screen as the little absinthe fairy, if you weren't European or gay, it would have flown (literally) right past you.
Still Not as Good as: Love at First Bite