Dave White
Crank Review

Dave's Rating:


… the dumb-ocity of Speed 2: Cruise Control

Who's in It: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Efren Ramirez, Dwight Yoakam

The Basics: A hit man gets himself injected with what everyone in the movie calls "the Chinese s--t," and he's got to keep his adrenaline up or he dies — which he figures he'll do anyway. So he goes and gets some cocaine and Red Bull and public sex with his girlfriend to help him stay awake long enough to exact revenge on the gangsters who did it to him.

What's the Deal? I can honestly say I've never seen a movie in which a guy wearing a butt-baring hospital gown steals a police motorcycle and rides it through Beverly Hills standing up on the seat with a full erection tenting his flimsy little dress. Well, I could say that until just now, I mean. Because from here on, if I see it again in any other movie, I'll just yawn and go, "Yeah what else you got?"

What It Steals From: Speed, of course, but also the dumb-ocity of Speed 2: Cruise Control and Run Lola Run and Trainspotting and D.O.A. and the Grand Theft Auto video game.

Vote for Pedro: Yes, that's him (Efren Ramirez) as Statham's gay club-kid information guy. That's also him holding a severed hand and splattered with blood. You'll have to see the movie to know how that happens.

Yes, It's Totally Dumb: But you won't be bored during one of its 83 minutes.


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