Dave's Rating:

2.5

Ripley, believe it or not.

A young, white collar bore named Will (Henry Cavill), unhappily spending time with his estranged family (including cold hardass father Bruce Willis) on their sailboat off the coast of Spain, returns from a shore-side drugstore visit to an empty boat. His mother, brother, the brother's fiancee, all kidnapped. Within moments Will's being chased by covert ops Americans, the Spanish police and Mossad agents. Why? Who's good and who's bad? Where's Dad? Who is the mysterious young woman (Verónica Echegui) suddenly by Will's side, running for her own life? What's in that suitcase everybody's fighting over? And what's scowling Sigourney Weaver doing with that arsenal of automatic weapons? That's for the goofy, meaningless action thriller with the nonsense title to know and you to find out when, someday, it hits cable.

I say cable because it's unlikely you'll see it in theaters. Did you even know it existed? After its earlier release date was abandoned, Summit just dumped this one into theaters with zero amounts of fanfare or publicity, on one of the most anemic box office weekends of the year. They don't just have low expectations, they have Oogieloves expectations.

But for cheap junk it's no worse than the shallower end of the Jason Statham-plus-weaponry genre. Directed by Mabrouk El Michri (JCVD), it's a generic hundred minutes of crash-bang and yeah, it has a charisma-free lead, not enough Willis (although he's the biggest name on the marquee), too many people pulling the plot into too many confusing narrative mazes, no actual surprises and no good reason to clog up the multiplex. But...

It also has nonstop chasing, gun-blasting, spurting blood, manic getaways, car-crunch mayhem, people being thrown from the roofs of tall buildings and 62-year-old Sigourney Weaver shooting everybody, machine gun in one hand and an invisible antique tea cup full of boiling Lapsang Souchong in the other, never spilling a drop. That's how smooth her glide is, a bored expression on her face as she guns down everyone in her way. Mid-car-crash she doesn't quit the blammo. You do want to see that -- you know, as much as you want to see anything else right now.

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