Jen's Rating:

2.0

A clunker of titanic proportions.

Who's In It: Sam Worthington, Gemma Arterton, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Mads Mikkelsen, Jason Flemyng, Alexa Davalos

The Basics: When the adoptive family of strapping young fisherman Perseus (Sam Worthington) is caught in the cross-fire of a war between the gods and the blasphemous mortals of Earth, he sets out on a quest for vengeance. Only, surprise! Perseus is the demigod son of Zeus (Liam Neeson), destined to lead a ragtag band of warriors to defeat Hades (Ralph Fiennes), who's secretly orchestrating the humanity-destroying shenanigans in order to wrest control of the heavens from his brother. Armed with special weapons, a handful of soldiers, and a beautiful warrior chick named Io (Gemma Arterton), Perseus leads the charge against giant scorpions, the superhuman Calibos, and the ginormous sea creature known as the Kraken.

What's The Deal: This CG-laden remake of the 1981 film of the same name is epic, to be sure, but it may have been too ambitious and unwieldy a behemoth for director Louis Letterier (The Incredible Hulk) to handle. Though Letterier's set pieces and location filming are exactly as thrilling as you'd want and expect, the rest of the film veers from boring to distractingly clunky. Worse, the actors seem to have all gotten different memos about the tone of the film; though Worthington does have a moment here and there of Hamlin-esque cheese (blame it on the script), nothing may prepare you for the wild theatrics of Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes as Zeus and Hades, respectively. Still, few scenes in recent memory have given thrills on the level of Perseus and Co.'s battle with giant desert scorpions, or his aerial chase weaving through the Kraken's deadly tentacles atop the winged horse Pegasus. Clash of the Titans won't change cinema as we know it, but it might satisfy your jones for epic action (and sweaty men in battle skirts).

The Most Important Piece Of Advice I Can Give You About Seeing Clash of the Titans: Do not, I repeat DO NOT, see Clash of the Titans in 3D. Converted from 2D to 3D to cash in on Avatar Fever, the only thing the 3D process has added is a higher cost to your movie ticket. What results instead is a woefully underlit presentation so dim it makes many of the battle scenes nearly incomprehensible, with 3D effects that don't add much besides some shallow enhancements in depth of field. (What I was really hoping for was for Sam Worthington to step off the screen and into my lap, which I can report did not happen at all.)

Best Script Deviation From The Original Film/Mythology: The hint of romance between Perseus and Io. I know it was just thrown in there for suckers like me, but gods be damned, this warrior pairing is just too cute. One-time Bond girl Arterton gives spunk and ethereal beauty in equal measure, a much more suitable love interest than Alexa Davalos's noble princess Andromeda, who got Perseus in the 1981 version.

Questionable Script Deviations From The Original Film/Mythology: The race of magical undead desert people with faces made of twigs, ostensibly dreamed up because the movie's merchandising tie-ins would be too boring without them. Making Pegasus black just to make him more bad-ass in comparison to a herd of prissy little white-winged horses also in the film. Perseus's nagging daddy issues. And the nerdiest beef of all: Not enough Bubo!

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