Dave's Rating:



It must be feel weird to be Adam Sandler, knowing that you have enough power in your chosen profession that you can wake up in the morning, sit down on the toilet and think to yourself, "Wouldn't it be funny if a guy spread peanut butter on his genitals and then let a bunch of goats lick it off?"

And then that thought turns into the opening scene of your new movie.

Of course, even Adam Sandler can't yet make an entire movie about goats licking peanut butter off of some random guy's junk. Audiences require engagement, a payoff for their time in the movie theater. And that's when, if you're Adam Sandler, you think continue thinking to yourself: "And the guy who's getting his peanut-butter-slathered genitals licked by goats is a farmer in Iowa where this other goon with a bowl haircut and buck teeth--named BUCKY, oh I am brilliant and I'll get Nick Swardson for it--lives and works in a grocery store and unbeknownst to him his parents used to be famous porn stars named Jim Spraysium and Rosie Bush which he discovers one night while all of his adult male friends are communally enjoying some vintage 1970s porn and teaching him how to masturbate for the first time--you know, the way adult male friends always do when you're kind of developmentally disabled--and so then it dawns on Bucky that he's a 'nude-movie' legacy and he goes to Hollywood to fulfill his destiny of porn stardom even though he has the smallest penis in the history of all penises and he meets a waitress who thinks he's great even though he's a lunatic freak and she's going to be Christina Ricci because you know that Mad Men ripoff show about the stewardesses she's got lined up isn't going to last and then he meets a porn director named Miles Deep (Ooh yeah, I get Don Johnson! He already has a porn name!) who helps him became a major star in movies called stuff like 'Pinch My Inch' that make all small-penised men feel better about themselves. I'm amazing at this. Time for a nap."

And then Sony releases it and doesn't show it to the press and Grae Drake and I have to go see it at 9:30 on a Friday morning, where we are the only two people in the theater.

Before I go take seven aspirin for my current headache, I do need to let you know that there's a whole other actually funny movie going on inside this one, struggling to come out, and it stars Kevin Nealon as Bucky Larson's rage-filled roommate, a man who never stops screaming about people stealing his food.

Also, there's a funny moment where a pig eats a giant lollipop.


Dave's recent reviews

All Dave White's Movie Reviews