Who's in It: Martin Lawrence, Nia Long, Emily Proctor, Zachary Levi, Mark Moses
The Basics: Mart-N returns to the fat-suit drag, this time to save the entire United States from a national-security threat, bring a family together that he's posing as a nanny for, distract other FBI guys who don't like him and keep it all a secret from his wife (Tisha Campbell … just kidding, it's Nia Long). He's also supposed to be funny. This doesn't happen.
What's the Deal? All this movie had to be was energetic and wacky. It didn't have to be art. It's a sequel to a comedy that was dumb to begin with, after all. Dumb isn't the problem — laziness is. Does it cost more money to hire funny writers? Does it destroy the A-list star's ego if something other than his own dancing and a Chihuahua that watches telenovelas is good for even a mild chuckle? I say no. In the meantime, this movie will make some 10-year-olds and some other people who don't see very many movies laugh. Maybe.
It's Funny Because She's Fat: Dancing, running on a beach, riding a Segway. These are not inherently funny activities. OK, riding a Segway is ridiculous, yes, but the point is that all of these things are substitutes for actual comedic events in this movie. And why? Because Big Momma is morbidly obese.
Who Would Win in a Fight? Tyler Perry as Madea in Diary of a Mad Black Woman or Mart-N as Big Momma? I'm voting for Perry because he's still not quite as pleased with himself as Lawrence is. Yet.
Critically Acclaimed Actors From the First Big Momma's House Who Blew Up Enough in the Meantime That They Didn't Have to Come Back for This One: Terrence Howard (Hustle and Flow, Crash) and Paul Giamatti (American Splendor, Sideways).